I鈥檓 shattered! My wife of 14 years has been cheating on me. I鈥檇 believed our marriage was rock solid. We met at university, studying economics. She鈥檇 already planned her rise to the top in her family鈥檚 business.
I鈥檓 a self-employed business consultant 鈥� a choice we agreed on, so I鈥檇 have time for managing our lifestyle, the children鈥檚 education and special pursuits. Our daughter is age 11, our son is age nine.
I鈥檇 noticed my wife鈥檚 bedside iPad left open recently when she rushed out to an early meeting. The enlarged bolded message about sex caught my eye.
I recognized the sender鈥檚 email. He鈥檚 her company manager. He has been to my home, chatted with my children, drunk my wine. I called my wife and told her to come home while the children were at school. She arrived with the crisis-mode detachment of her work life.
She 鈥渄idn鈥檛 mean for it to happen.鈥� And her co-cheater 鈥渉adn鈥檛 expected things would become serious.鈥�
Does it mean it was 鈥淥K鈥� if he just carried on having sex indefinitely with his married female boss? She said a civilized divorce would be best for all.
I鈥檓 stunned that she could carry off that guilt-free approach without embarrassment. Do I just accept that we start divorce negotiations? What about the kids? I give them breakfast, drive them to school, take them to after-school sports, help them with homework鈥�
Where do I begin to deal with this shock, my anger, my tears?
Shattered Husband
Begin with reality, not fear. Your children need your usual guidance and protection. Don鈥檛 let your wife鈥檚 cool control intimidate you. For now, ask a divorce lawyer only about general procedures, the process and possibilities.
Meanwhile, get personal counselling to handle the immediate shock and restore your self-confidence in facing this.
Discuss with the counsellor whether marriage counselling together is worth pursuing.
If yes, tell your wife it will be helpful regarding the kids, and future relationships.
Focus on essentials, including the healing you and the children will need.
Ellie鈥檚 tip of the day
Divorce is hard on everyone involved. Understand the legal process. Try marital and/or personal counselling. Focus on children鈥檚 needs.
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