The #MeToo movement continues to gather strength as millions of people 鈥� including sa国际传媒 readers 鈥� speak publicly about their experiences of sexual harassment and abuse.
Readers responded to a request to share their stories to help focus on the problem. Their powerful stories illustrate often entrenched attitudes and behaviour that have, and continue, to hurt and harm others.
Their courage is a call for all of us to reflect on ourselves and our society 鈥� what鈥檚 not working and what we want to see in our workplaces, our homes, on public streets and in educational institutions.
Here are some of the submissions. Be warned, some stories include explicit details.听
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Football player attacked attendant
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As a flight attendant in the 1960s and 鈥�70s, I was the target of many propositions, leering looks and off-colour comments.
I recall an instance where the harassment was physical: It was a charter flight with a football team returning from a win in some Prairie city. I was alone and facing the rear galley, when a player snuck up behind me and groped both breasts with his hands.
I raised my foot and stabbed my high heel hard into his shin several times. 鈥淭ell your wife how you got that injury,鈥� I exclaimed.
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Woman suffers catalogue of abuse
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I was raped from three to eight years old. Molested at 15 and 16. Raped at 19, then again at 21. I have experienced a man call me 14 times in the middle of one night, leaving sexually harassing messages on my phone. I have been groped by strangers and aquaintances. I have been assaulted by a woman. I鈥檝e been the recipient of catcalls and comments on having a nice ass 鈥� which only makes me fearful. I have been driven to a remote location and raped in a truck. I recently allowed a man into my home, and when I told him I wasn鈥檛 interested he physically forced himself on me. I told him no and pushed him off me twice, but he still persisted. Honestly, I barely leave my home anymore.
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Girl was molested in carnival fun house
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When I was 13, I helped at the carnival in my small sa国际传媒 town in exchange for free rides. The man in charge of my ride took me into the 鈥渇un house.鈥� He was behind me in the dark. He draped his arms over me and rubbed my vagina through my clothes the whole time.
I didn鈥檛 tell my parents because I wasn鈥檛 supposed to be there in the first place; they didn鈥檛 like the carnival people.
I also remember my uncles teasing me about 鈥渄oes the carpet match the drapes.鈥� I didn鈥檛 know then what they were talking about. I鈥檓 happy this is being talked about now.
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Innocent victim blamed herself
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I grew up in a large Catholic family where anything remotely related to sex was strictly taboo. Because of this, I felt I was to blame on the many occasions when I was subject to sexual harassment or abuse.
The first time, I was 13 and a male relative made me sit on his lap in our family living room. I wouldn鈥檛 dare tell anyone he had an erection while he hugged me close in full view of my parents.
I remember a classmate telling me that our geography teacher would stand right behind me in order to stare down my shirt. On two other occasions, divorced male neighbours whose children I babysat made moves on me upon returning home.
At 15, a boss chased me around the counter several times while cleaning up after closing in a bakery. He鈥檇 make lewd comments about what he鈥檇 want to do to me. I told my boyfriend, who showed up one afternoon, jumped over the counter and told my boss he鈥檇 have to answer to him if he tried it again.
My best friend鈥檚 dad gave me a Christmas hug and despite my effort to show a cheek, he slipped his tongue into my mouth. I never told my friend for fear that it would hurt her and her mom, who I loved dearly.
Another boss who was also a family friend, married with three children, tried to pin me down in his office after an office Christmas party. I slapped him so hard he never tried it again 鈥� but he continued to brag about the number of women he had 鈥渄one鈥� under his employ. I recall learning to walk so fast so as not to be considered fair game 鈥� in broad daylight, because of incessant catcalls from construction sites and random men on the street. It鈥檚 so ingrained in me, I still walk fast no matter where I鈥檓 going.
I鈥檝e never shared any of this with anyone but my husband for fear of being judged.
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Trip to the beach became a nightmare
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I was living on Hornby Island at the time. It was a beautiful, sunny day. I decided to grab a book, beach towel and sunglasses and head to Big Tribune Beach to soak up some rays and enjoy the solitude. Tourist season had ended and I looked forward to my quiet time.
Looking back down the beach, I saw a group approaching along the shoreline. There was one straggler behind the others. When the group moved on, the straggler turned and approached the logs a few feet past me. I ignored him, continuing to look down at my book, hoping he would go elsewhere. I could hear him, busily settling in. Suddenly he stood and approached the waters edge. His only apparel was a towel. He went in the shallow water and began to masturbate. I was his only audience.
Frozen in shock, I pretended, with head down, to continue reading my book. He rose from the water and returned to his spot, too close to mine. Two women appeared along the beach. With only a shirt on, he approached them and 鈥渇lashed.鈥� They hastily retreated and he returned.
Once again I was alone, praying the group of walkers would return so I could join them and leave. He eventually got up, dressed and returned in the direction he had appeared. I was still frightened to return to my car because it meant walking through an area of shrubs and trees. It was necessary to wait until others appeared and so I could safely make my exit.
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Student pestered by dirty old man
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I am 85, but I was a teenager when I travelled 400 miles to attend my first year of university at Edmonton. My aunt had found a 鈥済ood鈥� place for me to board with an elderly couple through the YWCA.
It wasn鈥檛 long before I found myself dodging the old landlord whenever his wife wasn鈥檛 present. Yet, he never missed a Sunday at church and encouraging me to attend.
He proudly bragged that he had never had a drop of alcohol. Obviously, he did not feel his behaviour was inappropriate.
One day, I yelled out and he shrank in fear. 鈥淣o, no, don鈥檛 do that,鈥� he said, fearful that she might hear.
We both knew his repulsive advances were over. I had dealt with it the best I could and told no one, not my parents, nor my two best friends 鈥� probably because I couldn鈥檛 bring myself to talk about something so disgusting.
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Raped while her baby slept nearby
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He raped me, coming at me from behind in my bedroom with my baby asleep in the crib. He had been a trusted teaching colleague, and we were in my house after returning from an evening run.
He was immensely strong, as he grabbed me from behind, he pinned both wrists up behind my neck. He then pulled my caftan up over my head so that I couldn鈥檛 see or move.
I dared not move anyway, for fear of terrifying my sleeping infant. I remained deathly silent by gritting my teeth, hard. The next day, I reported his actions to our union, but was told it could do nothing unless he was convicted in a court of law. However, the female vice-president told me she had had other reports and they were 鈥渨atching him.鈥�
For various reasons, but primarily because in those days date rape (like marital rape) was not considered rape, I did not file a police report.
A few nights later, he came back, unannounced. He tried to break in my heavy front door. I yanked it back then slammed it on his hand 鈥� hard. He screamed, opened the door, pulled out his hand and ran, yelping down my driveway. I hope I broke it.
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Man up and admit #IveDoneThat
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I have been reflecting on the reality of #MeToo and the resulting challenge to admit that #IveDoneThat.
I flashed back to a time when I was dating and persistently pestered my partner into having sex with me. This was not our first time, but it was our last.
And that time at a party I kissed and got gropey with a highly intoxicated lady. Was that a step too far? What about the affair with my subordinate? While consent was foremost on my mind, is it possible within such a power dynamic?
Why then did this happen? Your excellent article on Oct. 21 suggests that these acts are done by 鈥渕en who have these antisocial, demeaning and even criminal behaviours [and] believe that their desire trumps your consent. I鈥檓 not even sure if the concept of consent is a consideration for them.鈥�
These answers do not describe me. Further, explanations that paint men with an anti-social brush make the 鈥渆veryman鈥� think he鈥檚 not part of the issue. We need to start explaining how every dad, every husband, every brother, every nephew and even every won are all creating more #MeToo experiences.
And we, men, need to man up and admit #IveDoneThat.