Humourist David Sedaris has kept diaries for 40 years. Often, he records events of no particular consequence.
鈥淚 just write about small things. For example, I saw a really big toad that had been run over by a car on the side of the road next to a turtle that鈥檇 been run over by a car,鈥� said Sedaris, phoning from the island of Maui recently.
鈥淚 would never wake up and say: 鈥極h, nothing happened yesterday; I guess I鈥檒l skip writing my diary today.鈥� I can鈥檛 skip it.鈥�
Sedaris鈥檚 diaries fill more than 150 hand-made notebooks. Early on, he wrote them by hand. In the 1980s, he starting typing them. At the end of a season, Sedaris has a booklet bound. He makes his own covers and includes pictures.
These private jottings will be shared in Theft by Finding: Diaries (1977 to 2002), to be published on May 30. The book includes overheard conversations, gossip, chats with strangers and oddball musings. Sedaris says he鈥檒l likely read from it during his Tuesday-night performance at Victoria鈥檚 Royal Theatre. He鈥檒l also share stories 鈥� typically self-deprecating 鈥� about his life and travels.
Not many authors rent 1,440-seat theatres for personal appearances. But then, Sedaris is no ordinary author. He has sold more than seven-million copies of such humour collections as Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim and Let鈥檚 Explore Diabetes with Owls. His pieces can be heard on NPR radio鈥檚 This American Life. Nominated for Grammy awards three times in the spoken word and comedy album categories, Sedaris is probably America鈥檚 best-known humourist.
A native of Raleigh, North Carolina, he now divides his time between homes in London and West Sussex in the south of England.
Sedaris鈥檚 writing is defined by a sharp eye for telling details and a keen sense of irony and absurdity. One of his diary entries from the mid-1980s, when he was a young man living in Chicago, takes note of the curiously formal conversation of a 鈥渂lind black fellow鈥� in an IHOP restaurant. Sedaris鈥檚 deadpan humour is already apparent.
鈥淭onight a Bill Withers song came over the sound system, and the one guy said to the other: 鈥業t may interest you to know that we can expect a new LP from this gentleman in the near future鈥�,鈥� he writes.
Another IHOP entry concerns a customer who wore a 鈥渟tocking hat鈥� and a red floppy hat at the same time. The waitress, Mary, was rude to the man and made him pay in advance for his meal.
鈥淗ad she had trouble with him in the past? Did it have anything to do with his two hats?鈥� Sedaris wonders.
He says the best diary entries are indexed and sometimes find their way into his essays.
鈥淚鈥檓 probably not going to index that I saw a flattened toad yesterday,鈥� he added. 鈥淏ecause it really doesn鈥檛 feel that important.鈥�
The weather was balmy during Sedaris鈥檚 stay in Maui. However, he complained of too much sunshine and beaches. What Sedaris was interested in talking about was the trash he was finding on his walks.
He likes to take a long walk every day, no matter where he is. And usually Sedaris picks up trash along the way, as a kind of public service. On some days, he鈥檒l pick up litter for five hours.
鈥淩eally, I鈥檇 love to have my grabber here in Maui. And a bag. Because I鈥檓 still walking. I鈥檓 going to walk at least 12 miles today. And it seems wasteful [not to pick up the garbage].鈥�
Sedaris has come across plenty of peculiar items on his garbage walks. For a while, he regularly came across soiled underpants.
鈥淎nd I think they all belonged to the same guy. Because he must have a 鈥� I don鈥檛 know 鈥� a 55-inch waist They鈥檙e always briefs. And there鈥檚 always [fecal matter] in them,鈥� he said.
Another time, Sedaris discovered a bag containing 50 pornographic DVDs. 鈥淚 was like, I鈥檓 going to tell a couple of people about this. And they can come and get them. Because it鈥檚 a shame to waste. It wasn鈥檛 my kind of thing, but it鈥檚 a shame to waste something like that.鈥�
However, his friends weren鈥檛 enthused about the prospect of free pornography.
鈥淚sn鈥檛 that crazy? And I said to them, too, Christmas is coming! And you鈥檙e going to know people. You could give them these DVDs. They鈥檙e going to act like it鈥檚 a joke gift. Ha ha ha. But they鈥檙e going to be really glad they got them. But no one took me up on that.鈥�
Sedaris does a lot of reading tours. Sometimes, to liven them up, he engages in unorthodox interactions with the audience.
For instance, while signing a book, he once asked the fan if he鈥檇 ever defecated in his pants. The man replied that he had not. However, he said his girlfriend once had. She was sitting across from him on the front seat of their car.
鈥淪he just got a little too relaxed and s--- her pants in the front of the car,鈥� Sedaris recalled with a laugh.
鈥淚 said: 鈥楢re you still together?鈥� I would break up with her. I couldn鈥檛 be with anyone like that. He said: 鈥楴o, no, we鈥檙e still together.鈥欌��
The week before the interview, Sedaris did a reading in Los Angeles. The lobby was too small for a book signing. So the writer, who likes to meet his readers, volunteered to take tickets before the show.
The celebrity ticket-ripper asked one woman who she had come to the show with. The woman pointed to her companion, who was ahead of her in line. Like many of the people streaming in, this woman didn鈥檛 recognize Sedaris.
鈥淪he went up to her friend and said: 鈥楪od, what kind of question is that?鈥� I though, ugh, I don鈥檛 want you in my audience if you鈥檇 be so rude like that to a ticket-taker.鈥�
Sedaris said he鈥檚 had a few hecklers over the years. In 1986, he was asked to serve as MC for a Chicago event. It was an evening in which people鈥檚 homemade rock-and-roll videos were screened. Sedaris decided it would be fun to read segments of one of his stories between each presentation.
鈥淩ight near the end of my story, someone yelled out: 鈥楾his is boring!鈥� I should have realized when I got up there it wasn鈥檛 the audience.鈥�
Another time, also in Chicago, an audience member in her 80s took umbrage with the profanity in one of Sedaris鈥檚 stories.
鈥淪he said: 鈥楨nough with the language, enough with the four-letter words. It鈥檚 disgusting. I didn鈥檛 come here to be disgusted!鈥�
Sedaris decided he wouldn鈥檛 respond with a putdown, in deference to the woman鈥檚 age. 鈥淏ut I knew the audience was on my side,鈥� he said. 鈥淪he had obviously just wandered in there.鈥�
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What: An Evening with David Sedaris
Where: Royal Theatre
When: Tuesday, 7:30 p.m.
Tickets: Start at $58.50 (250-386-6121)