ROME (AP) 鈥� An introspective Pope Francis has divulged some of the behind-the-scenes dynamics of the secret 2013 conclave that elected him pope and the resistance he has encountered ever since, in his autobiography being released Tuesday that also doubles down on some of his more controversial decisions as pontiff.
鈥淗ope: The Autobiography鈥� was only supposed to be published after Francis鈥� death. But at his own request, the book is hitting bookshelves now in more than 80 countries to coincide with the start of the church's Holy Year.
Its publishers say it鈥檚 the first autobiography ever written by a sitting pope, though Francis has collaborated with plenty of other memoir-type books before, and much of his papacy and personal backstory .
But 鈥淗ope鈥� does provide personal insights into how history鈥檚 first Latin American pope interprets his childhood in Buenos Aires and how it has informed his priorities as pope. Drawn from conversations over six years with Italian journalist Carlo Musso, 鈥淗ope鈥� offers Francis鈥� own sometimes unflattering assessments of decisions he made or things he regrets 鈥� at least before he became pope.
It鈥檚 almost confessional at times, an 88-year-old Jesuit performing the Ignatian examination of his conscience at the end of his life to identify things he said or did that he now realizes could have been done better. Whether it鈥檚 the time when he insisted that a schoolmate pay to repair a bike he had broken, or knocked another schoolmate nearly unconscious, he seems deeply ashamed of his younger self and says he still doesn鈥檛 believe himself worthy of the papacy.
鈥淚f I consider what is the greatest gift that I desire from the Lord, and have experienced, it is the gift of shame,鈥� he writes at one point.
Curiously, two periods of Bergoglio鈥檚 past which have remained somewhat mysterious to outsiders are once again avoided in 鈥淗ope.鈥� One concerns his stint in C贸rdoba, Argentina from 1990-1992. Francis has never really explained the internal Jesuit dynamics that resulted in him being exiled to work as a confessor at the Jesuit church more than a decade after he was provincial of the order in Argentina. The period is mentioned only in passing when Francis refers simply to 鈥渢he dark night at C贸rdoba.鈥�
The other period of unknown in Bergoglio鈥檚 backstory concerns the time he spent in Germany doing research on the theologian Romano Guardini for a dissertation he never finished.
Also given short shrift was the impact of the clergy sexual abuse scandal, which convulsed his papacy for several years. The scandal and the pope mentions the scandal briefly in the book. But he spends far more time recalling a more heart-warming memory from the Chile trip, when he on board the papal plane during the flight to Iquique.
The second half of the book, focusing on the papacy, is far less self-critical and in fact is strident in defending his sometimes controversial decisions. It is here that Francis provides further details of his emotions as the on the second day of balloting during the March 2013 conclave that elected him pope.
Francis reveals that he was among those cardinals receiving 鈥渟topgap votes鈥� in the first rounds, when cardinals toss out votes to see which way the balloting winds are heading. He says he wasn鈥檛 keeping count in the early rounds but realized that his fate was sealed once he got 69 votes on the fourth ballot, out of the 77 needed for a two-thirds majority of the 115 cardinals.
The fifth ballot 鈥� the one that made him pope -- actually had to be done twice. An extra ballot paper got stuck to one that a cardinal had filled out, so that when the papers were counted there were 116 rather than 115. The papers were burned without having even been opened and a new fifth ballot called.
鈥淲hen my name was pronounced for the seventy-seventh time, there was a burst of applause, while the reading of the votes went on,鈥� he writes. 鈥淚 don鈥檛 know exactly how many votes there were in the end, I was no longer listening, the noise covered the voice of the scrutineer.鈥�
One of the first things he did after the vote was to embrace Cardinal Angelo Scola, the archbishop of Milan who had been such a favorite going into the conclave that the Italian bishops conference had dummied up a press release announcing his election. 鈥淗e deserved that embrace,鈥� Francis writes.
Once in the sacristy, known as the 鈥淩oom of Tears,鈥� to be outfitted with the papal garb, Francis reveals that he had in his pocket his old episcopal ring which he used, suggesting that he had an intuition getting dressed in the morning that he would indeed be elected.
鈥淭he red shoes? No, I have orthopedic shoes. I鈥檓 rather flat-footed,鈥� he writes of his sartorioal choices that night. Nor did he want the red velvet cape, known as a mozzetta, favored by his predecessor. 鈥淭hey were not for me. Two days later they told me I would have to change my trousers, wear white ones. They made me laugh. I don鈥檛 want to be an ice cream seller, I said. And I kept my own.鈥�
Those looking for current Vatican gossip in 鈥淗ope鈥� will be somewhat disappointed, as Francis only fleetingly touches on the more controversial parts of his papacy. He is far more certain of his decisions made as pope, even doubling down on as rigid and mentally unstable.
鈥淭his rigidity is often accompanied by elegant and costly tailoring, lace, fancy trimmings, rochets. Not a taste for tradition but clerical ostentation,鈥� he writes. 鈥淭hese ways of dressing up sometimes conceal mental imbalance, emotional deviation, behavioral difficulties, a personal problem that may be exploited.鈥�
He writes that the reform of the Vatican bureaucracy, particularly the effort to impose international accounting and budgeting standards on its finances, have been the most difficult task of his papacy and one that generated 鈥渢he .鈥�
鈥淚 have been summoned to a battle," he writes.
He strongly defends his decision to authorize a sweeping trial of 10 people, including a cardinal, accused of alleged financial misconduct related to an investment in a London property. The trial resulted in several convictions, but also cost the Holy See reputational harm, given questions about whether the defendants and Francis鈥� own role in the saga.
鈥淭he decisions that I made in that respect were not easy, I was sure there would be problems, but I also know that the truth must never be hidden and being opaque is always the worst choice,鈥� he writes.
After African bishops unanimously rejected his approval of gay blessings, Francis stands by his decision and insists that the blessing is for the people, not the relationship. he writes, repeating a statement he first made in a 2023 interview with The Associated Press.
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Nicole Winfield, The Associated Press
