Forgiving oneself or others is no easy act

Sometimes people听cannot听forgive. Think of those who lost loved ones or suffered in the Holocaust. Think of someone who was sexually abused as a child; or if the offender has shown no remorse or made no appropriate efforts to make amends for the offence. Forgiveness is not the required response. At the same time, we are urged by our scriptures and by Jesus鈥� explicit teaching to love our enemies. Can love withhold forgiveness?

According to the Bible and Jesus鈥� teaching, yes, it can. Love must be unconditional but forgiveness is not always required by love.听听After the Second World War the allies did not forget or forgive the atrocities of the Holocaust but they cared about the wellbeing of ordinary Germans and created the Marshal听Plan to help their recovery from the war.

In the Bible, God is shown as loving people with unconditional love which at the same time calls for them to return to keeping the laws of love and restorative justice. God鈥檚 love continues even when our repentance is not forthcoming. But God鈥檚 forgiveness does not come unless there is honest repentance. Jesus began his preaching ministry saying 鈥淩epent and believe听听in the good news.鈥�(Mark 1:15) Repentance is the condition for forgiveness that does not condition God鈥檚 unconditional love.

听A friend recently told me of a couple of his acquaintances who are consistently unfair and untruthful in their business practices with employees and customers.听听My friend marvelled that they insisted they were good Christians. They explained that they were counting on making appropriate confessions at the latest possible moment of their lives with total assurance that they would be forgiven by God鈥檚 unconditional love. This view of God鈥檚 love mocks the being of God, 鈥渢o whom all hearts are open, all desires known, and from whom no secrets are hid鈥�. When we repent the repentance has to be honest or it is not repentance at all.

Forgiveness can be extremely complicated. I once counselled a man who said his life was tormented by his continuing resentment and painful memories of how his father had abused him. His father was deceased but the son was still tormented because he could not forgive his father as he thought he should. He felt guilty about it. He needed to forgive himself and be relieved of the obligation of forgiving his father听听and he needed to hear that he could still love his father and trust that God would love his father听听and deal with the father鈥檚 abusive history in God鈥檚 own听听way, whatever that was.听听听

Jesus told a parable about an unforgiving servant who was forgiven a huge debt and then went and threw a fellow servant into debtor鈥檚 prison when he could not repay him a much smaller debt. The story concludes with the strong statement of God not forgiving those who do not treat others as they wish to be treated themselves.听听(Matthew 18:23-35) The command of love is unconditional but forgiveness has the condition of honesty and justice.

The Lord鈥檚 Prayer asks for forgiveness of our sins with the condition that we treat others as we wish to be treated. 鈥滷orgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us鈥�. Love is unconditional. Forgiveness is loving when it meets the standard of truth and justice.

Forgiving oneself or others is not an easy act Paul Newman is a retired minister of The United Church of sa国际传媒