Yes, I am moving my possessions to a more affordable apartment.
Moving is a great word for this particular event.
Moving because this is a physical transition of my physical possessions from one address to another.
Moving because this is an emotional experience. I am leaving the home where I spent many years with my husband, saw us through illnesses, experienced the grief of his death and retired from paid work.
Lots of tears have been shed. Many questions have been pondered like “Who am I now?” “What do I do with my life from here on?” “Some of my tribe have moved on; where are my new tribe members?” “Am I doing the right thing by moving?” “Will I like the new space, the new people, as I imagine I will?”
I have waffled over the idea of staying where I am. After all, I like my apartment and am used to my community. I like being close to the ocean and feeling the cooling breeze off the Salish Sea on hot summer days. I love the smell of the ocean. I like my neighbours. I will miss the huge pine outside of my balcony and watching the squirrels and birds enjoy its fruits and shelter.
I have come to terms with the idea of leaving the home I shared with my husband. That is the past. I must form my own life as a single person of a certain age. I will take him with me, in my heart and memory. I have pictures on my phone, my computer and on the wall. I won’t forget him.
I can stay with my on-line communities and my church. I have my local friends. And I will build new friendships.
I am building a new career as well. I write about grief at and work with people to help them understand what grief is all about.
This transition from my husband’s wife to single retired person has been a long journey. I have had kind friends, wise counsellors and God’s guidance along the way.
May they stay with me as I go forward.
Cathy Carphin has a B.A. in Psychology, is certified as a Grief Educator and has trained in Polyvagal Theory and techniques. She facilitates individual and group discussions primarily centred around navigating the complexities of grief, trauma, and loss. Cathy is a writer, poet, and facilitator who lives in Victoria BC. More of her work can be read at . Cathy can be reached at [email protected].
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