When Sam Schultz was sexually assaulted, it felt like a part of them died.
It took eight years and the burgeoning #MeToo movement to spur them to go public and make a police report, and an additional five years for their attackers to plead guilty.
Now, as much as Schultz hopes there鈥檚 a reckoning coming in gay and queer communities, too, it feels like they are the one shouldering the blame, not the attackers: for coming forward, for harming the men鈥檚 reputations.
Instead of being able to focus on recovery, Schultz has been saddled with worries from other gay men that talking about sexual abuse in their community will hurt the fight for LBGTQ+ rights.
The pain of the assault and ensuing public attention and court proceedings have taken a huge toll.
鈥淚t is an exhausting and horrifying journey that I almost quit because it just takes way too much of a person,鈥� Schultz said in an interview with The Associated Press. 鈥淎nd to any person who has pursued justice and quit along the way, I get it. The system is not built for us. The system is built to protect certain people.鈥�
As many as 95% of male sexual violations go unreported, according to research cited in a literature about male victims of sexual assault, published in April in the journal Behavioral Sciences. Four of five men who reported assaults regretted doing so, saying that police were often unsympathetic and disinterested and that the process just added more trauma.
Men may fail to report sexual assault because of stigma, shame, guilt and embarrassment; fear of not being believed; privacy concerns; and worries that their sexual orientation or masculinity will be questioned, according to research cited in the article.
For gay men and other LGBTQ+ people, 鈥渢heir friends and family may not be aware of how they identify. They鈥檙e afraid that that this will tip people off, to disclose something they鈥檙e not ready to disclose,鈥� said Scott Berkowitz, president of RAINN, the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network. 鈥淭here鈥檚 in some places a disbelief that this really happens to LGBTQ people.鈥�
Prominent male sexual abuse and assault survivors have come forward in recent years, including actor of 鈥淓R鈥� fame, who serves as the board chair and national spokesperson for the nonprofit 1in6 鈥� so named because of research indicating that at least 1 in 6 men have experienced sexual abuse or assault.
A similar group, MaleSurvivor, formed in 1995, says it is committed to helping boys and men who have experienced sexual abuse.
And the National Women鈥檚 Law Center, administrator of the , which provides legal assistance to survivors of workplace sexual harassment and abuse, also offers help to men. The fund helped pay Schultz鈥檚 legal fees. Still, just 4% of the people who have sought its support since 2018, or about 200, identify as male.
鈥淲e have such strong and well-worn stereotypes and ideas about who is a survivor in this country, stereotypes that don鈥檛 match reality,鈥� said Fatima Goss Graves, president and CEO of the National Women鈥檚 Law Center. "And men as a category don鈥檛 meet that stereotype, even though all the research has shown us that at least 9% of sexual assault survivors are male.鈥�
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This story includes discussion of sexual assault. If you or someone you know needs help, call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-4673 or go to .
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Schultz, now 37, described a wrenching and maddening journey from assault, when they were 23, to adjudication and beyond.
Schultz was an aspiring opera singer and a graduate student at Houston鈥檚 Rice University when they met David Daniels, a famous countertenor, and Scott Walters, a conductor, through the city鈥檚 music circles. Schultz remembers admiring Daniels for being a 鈥減roud gay man鈥� in a conservative art form.
The two invited Schultz to the closing of the Houston Grand Opera鈥檚 鈥淴erxes,鈥� in which Daniels was starring, Schultz said. Later that night at a cast party, the couple invited Schultz to their apartment afterward, cautioning the young singer not to tell anyone, lest others get jealous.
Schultz was handed a drink and later woke up in an unfamiliar room, naked and bleeding. Shock and then fear set in.
鈥淲as I supposed to go to the police? Was I supposed to go to the hospital? Was I supposed to go home? The police didn鈥檛 feel like a safe option. The hospital certainly didn鈥檛 feel like a safe option. I went home and I stared at a wall,鈥� they said.
Schultz discussed the assault with relatives, friends and a therapist but didn鈥檛 when the #MeToo movement provided more comfort in making a report.
Daniels and Walters were arrested in 2019 and maintained the encounter with Schultz was consensual until, just as the two were going to trial on charges of first-degree aggravated sexual assault, they accepted a deal to plead guilty to sexual assault of an adult, a second-degree felony. Both were sentenced to eight years鈥� probation and required to register as sex offenders.
The men still tell others in the opera community that they aren鈥檛 guilty, Schultz said, and that the plea was just to avoid prison. Schultz saw others in the opera community rally around the attackers, and was criticized for besmirching the reputation of prominent gay men.
It hurts to see people place more value on their own friendship with the attackers than the hurt they鈥檝e caused.
鈥淵ou鈥檙e failing to recognize how they鈥檝e criminally impacted my life,鈥� Schultz said.
Ted Gideonse, an associate professor of teaching of health, society and behavior at the University of California, Irvine, public health program, noted that for gay and bisexual men, lines of consent have been historically muddy. That doesn鈥檛 make it right.
The longtime illicit nature of sexual encounters between men meant that by necessity they had to be coded.
Gay men often gather in bars 鈥� spaces they feel safe to be themselves. But bars are a place that are already sexually heightened, said Gideonse, a researcher in medical and psychological anthropology.
鈥淭here is virtually no sort of admission that gay men or men who have sex with men have a completely different way of interacting around sex than heterosexuals do,鈥� Gideonse said.
Differences in what constitutes consent and predation, particularly for things like unwanted touching, are changing generationally, he said.
鈥淭he older men are much more like, 鈥楢re you kidding, this is really typical stuff that no one has been bothered with before,鈥� and the younger people saying, 鈥楾hey just didn鈥檛 tell you they were bothered,鈥欌�� Gideonse said.
Schultz agrees there鈥檚 a need for a discussion about consent within the gay community. In a recent essay in the Washington Blade, an LGBTQ online news magazine, Schultz spoke about the sexualization of young people, and the problems it creates.
鈥淎s young queer people, many of us are objectified and reduced to conquests by often older or more powerful peers,鈥� Schultz wrote. 鈥淲e learn to believe that our primary value to many is sex rather than equal treatment and respect.鈥�
Just last month, the after a two-year investigation that uncovered stories alleging that Mike Jeffries, the former CEO of clothing retailer Abercrombie & Fitch, used a middleman to exploit young adult men for sex at events he hosted at his home in New York and at hotels in Paris, London and elsewhere.
A dozen men described events involving sex acts that were run for Jeffries and his partner, Matthew Smith, from 2009 to 2015. Jeffries stepped down from Abercrombie & Fitch in 2014.
Schultz hopes that it鈥檚 a sign of things changing, and that allegations of men being abused are taken seriously.
After Schultz first told their own story, a man in his 60s heard it on the radio and realized he had been sexually assaulted in college, too.
鈥淗e wrote to me that he broke down crying at the breakfast table and for the first time started to understand what had happened to him when he was in college,鈥� Schultz said. 鈥淎nd I think a lot of men push experiences away so they don鈥檛 ever have to deal with them.鈥�
Jeff Mcmillan, The Associated Press
