Our So You Think You Can Write judges weigh in on Nick Clewley's third-week winning entry for writing, When Needs Clash.
DAVE OBEE
The opening paragraph sets the scene fairly well, and reminds us that even diligent research won't tell you everything about a new place to live. There is a message in this, right from the start.
I also like the line "I'm assigning guilt to someone who isn't legally in the wrong." That gets to the core of this assignment: To explore the "grey middle" between two hard positions. It also helps the writer to explore the two viewpoints, without judging them. There is sympathy for both sides, even though it was written from a non-smoker's point of view.
There are several slices of history, which help the reader understand how we reached this point, and remind us that we probably won't see a resolution at any time in the near future.
This is highly readable, gets into a contentious issue, and ends with a willingness to simply get along. It works well.
MATTHEW HOOTON
WHAT I LIKE:
While this is an essay that's full of detailed debate and an in-depth discussion of the issue, the narrative engine of the piece is the personal information about the author's apartment, community and grandfather. These anecdotes allow me to engage with the issue because they're well written (full of specific images and details), and because the "grey" area we've asked contestants to write about is something that implicitly resides on a human scale. I love the historical context, too - the stories of King James I and Hitler. Fascinating stuff.
WHAT I'D LIKE TO SEE MORE OF:
I'd like to see a small step away from formal language here. Creative non-fiction doesn't require an academic tone to present intellectual ideas or debate. The author's writing is strongest when they're describing "the way the paint colour changes dramatically with the light," not when they're using words such as "lest." Would also love to see more historical information, though I understand the constraints of the word-limit.
Questions (not necessarily to answer, but to think about):
1. What was King James' faulty premise?
2. Is there room for a discussion of taxation and the role our governments play here?
3. How is the "mainstream" media currently engaging with the issue?
JANET ROGERS
This is well-researched piece. It's good for a writer to tackle an issue that affects them so personally.
Wondered about the writer's choice to include the Nazis' history with smoking and putting them in a positive light in terms of a "leading edge health conscience" group.
The whole piece reads as someone with First World problems and I couldn't sympathize or connect with their story.
For the judges' comments on our other three writers, go to timescolonist.com/writingcontest
