At this point you鈥檙e no doubt thinking, 鈥淗ey, is this stupid COVID 19 pandemic going to last forever?鈥�
The good news is 鈥� no! One day you鈥檒l get that vaccine. I promise. Then we can all return to worrying about the regular stuff: global warming, Mitch McConnell鈥檚 endless propensity for hypocrisy and whether 鈥淪ponge Bob Visits the Corn Maze鈥� was really the best pattern choice for those new lounging pajamas.
In the meantime you鈥檙e probably running out of stuff to do in the house. Gin rickey parties via Zoom have lost their allure. Knitting Fair Isle vests for your nephew鈥檚 Doberman isn鈥檛 quite as rewarding as it once was. And your Netflix viewing has gone from 鈥淚 watch only Academy Award-nominated movies鈥� to 鈥渢his three-hour documentary about Nicolas Cage isn鈥檛 really so bad.鈥�
Don鈥檛 worry. Why, just a few months ago COVID cabin fever affected me so badly, I found myself aimlessly following my wife from room to room asking 鈥淪o what are you doing now?鈥� and pointing to my mouth hours before suppertime. The fact our fat pug dog always followed made this the saddest little parade in town.
Things are much better now. That鈥檚 because I鈥檝e found some sure-fire methods (all true!) to stave off boredom. Follow my lead and you鈥檒l be saying 鈥淐OVID schmovid鈥� in no time.
Sweater Depiller: Do you know what a depiller is? I didn鈥檛 either. A depiller is a gadget that slices round fuzzy bits off your sweaters. Now I own one and my life is so much happier. I removed a bumper crop of pills off my cardigan and felt a renewed sense of life purpose.
鈥淗ey,鈥� I said to my wife. 鈥淒o you need anything depilled? This thing works great.鈥�
鈥淣ot really,鈥� she said.
鈥淥K,鈥� I said. 鈥淛ust let me know though. Because, you know, I鈥檝e got this depiller.鈥�
So far I haven鈥檛 found anything else to depill. But if something comes up, by God I鈥檓 ready.
These actual quotes from Amazon product reviews reflect what sheer joy a depiller can provide: 鈥淛ust got it last night and spent hours defuzzing everything in the house!鈥� 鈥淚 can鈥檛 stop depilling!鈥� 鈥淢otor died after first use.鈥�
Christmas stocking restoration: When I was five my mother made my brother and me Christmas stockings cut from red felt. For reasons I don鈥檛 particularly want to go into, I still own mine. Anyway, in mid-December I noticed my stocking had fallen into poor repair. One of the jingle bells had disappeared. The rick rack trim was badly mottled and some of the glued-on gold flecks had fallen off.
A trip to Michael鈥檚 remedied that. The cashier said, 鈥淕ot a project going, eh?鈥�
鈥淎nd how,鈥� I replied. 鈥淚鈥檓 restoring the Christmas stocking my mother made me half a century ago!鈥�
鈥淎re you kidding?鈥�
鈥淣ot only that, I just bought a depiller. I got quite a bit of fuzz off my sweater.鈥�
鈥淣ext,鈥� said the cashier.
鈥淚鈥檒l let you know how that stocking turns out!鈥� I yelled over my shoulder. But she was already onto the next customer.
Shoe repair: Since COVID I鈥檝e started fixing all kinds of things around the house. This despite not being 鈥渉andy鈥� nor 鈥渉ammer capable鈥� nor 鈥渟omeone who understands how to repair things on any level.鈥�
Recently I noticed the soles were coming off my Blundstones. I took them to a downtown repair shop and the woman said the boots were far beyond fixing.
With a heavy heart I took them home. Then I thought: 鈥淲ait a sec 鈥� I can mend these.鈥� I bought something called Shoe Goo and glued the soles back on. Unfortunately my repair lasted only a couple of days and then the soles fell off.
What鈥檚 worse, now there鈥檚 Shoe Goo all over the floors of the house. But I think I can get some of it off with my depiller.
