NEW YORK (AP) 鈥� There's no place like home for the holidays. And that may not necessarily be a good thing.
In the wake of the very contentious and divisive 2024 presidential election, the upcoming celebration of Thanksgiving and the ramp-up of the winter holiday season could be a boon for some 鈥� a respite from the events of the larger world in the gathering of family and loved ones. Hours and even days spent with people who have played the largest roles in our lives. Another chapter in a lifetime of memories.
That's one scenario.
For others, that same period 鈥� particularly because of the polarizing presidential campaign 鈥� is something to dread. There is the likelihood of disagreements, harsh words, hurt feelings and raised voices looming large.
Those who make a study of people and their relationships to each other in an increasingly complex 21st-century say there are choices that those with potentially fraught personal situations can make 鈥� things to do and things to avoid 鈥� that could help them and their families get through this time with a minimum of open conflict and a chance at getting to the point of the holidays in the first place.
DO assess honestly where you are with it all
For those who feel strongly about the election's outcome, and know that the people they would be spending the holiday feel just as strongly in the other direction, take the time to honestly assess if you're ready to spend time together in THIS moment, barely a few weeks after Election Day 鈥� and a time when feelings are still running high.
The answer might be that you're not, and it might be better to take a temporary break, says Justin Jones-Fosu, author of 鈥淚 Respectfully Disagree: How to Have Difficult Conversations in a Divided World.鈥�
鈥淵ou have to assess your own readiness,鈥� he says, 鈥淓ach person is going be very different in this.鈥�
He emphasizes that it's not about taking a permanent step back. 鈥淩ight now is that moment that we鈥檙e talking about because it鈥檚 still so fresh. Christmas may be different.鈥�
DON鈥橳 miss the bigger picture of what the holiday is all about
Keep focused on why why you decided to go in the first place, Jones-Fosu says. Maybe it鈥檚 because there鈥檚 a relative there you don鈥檛 get to see often, or a loved one is getting up in age, or your kids want to see their cousins. Keeping that reason in mind could help you get through the time.
DO set boundaries
If you decide getting together is the way to go, but you know politics is still a dicey subject, set a goal of making the holiday a politics-free zone and stick with it, says Karl Pillemer, a professor at Cornell University whose work includes research on family estrangement.
鈥淲ill a political conversation change anyone鈥檚 mind?" he says. 鈥淚f there is no possibility of changing anyone鈥檚 mind, then create a demilitarized zone and don鈥檛 talk about it.鈥�
DON鈥橳 take the bait
Let鈥檚 be honest. Sometimes, despite best efforts and intentions to keep the holiday gathering politics- and drama-free, there鈥檚 someone who鈥檚 got something to say and is going to say it.
In that case, avoid getting drawn into it, says Tracy Hutchinson, a professor in the graduate clinical mental health counseling program at the College of William & Mary in Virginia.
鈥淣ot to take the hook is one of the most important things, and it is challenging,鈥� she says. After all, you don鈥檛 have to go to every argument you鈥檙e invited to.
DO think about what will happen after the holiday
If you risk getting caught up in the moment, consider engaging in what Pillemer calls 鈥渇orward mapping.鈥� This involves thinking medium and long term rather than just about right now 鈥� strategy rather than tactics. Maybe imagine yourself six months from now looking back on the dinner and thinking about the memories you'd want to have.
鈥淭hink about how you would like to remember this holiday,鈥� he says. 鈥淒o you want to remember it with your brother and sister-in-law storming out and going home because you鈥檝e had a two-hour argument?鈥�
DON'T feel you have to be there uninterrupted
Things getting intense? Defuse the situation. Walk away. And it doesn't have to be in a huff. Sometimes a calm and collected time out is just what you 鈥� and the family 鈥� might need.
Says Hutchinson: 鈥淚f they do start to do something like that, you could say, `I鈥檝e got to make this phone call. I鈥檝e got to go to the bathroom. I鈥檓 going to take a walk around the block.'"
Deepti Hajela, The Associated Press
