I’ve wanted to write this column for a while, but I’ve struggled with how to write it in a polite and respectful way. Here’s my attempt at a touchy, tough conversation written in, hopefully, a respectful way.
Over the past few years, I’ve found myself in conversations with people who speak about certain parts of Greater Victoria that do not have enough diversity for them. “I don’t like it there, there are too many white people,” says a person who is white to me.
I believe that the intention of these statements is that people want to live in vibrant and diverse communities. When I hear it stated like that, it makes me feel like someone with privilege is saying that they deserve to “have more diverse characters in their life.”
I want to state again that I know that is not the intention of the individuals. I know they mean well and are working towards diversity and inclusion. When I hear these words, I know what they mean, but I don’t receive it that way.
Each time I hear someone say this, they are from the dominant culture in this region. It always makes me stop and try to process what I am hearing. Not once have I ever chimed in, because I am not sure what to say.
Close friends, co-workers, and acquaintances have all said this to me at one time or another.
In a conversation with someone I had just met on in a work trip, I broached the subject and the individual, who is white, said: “I say that all the time.”
We talked more about the topic and shared our perspectives. The colleague offered an intelligent way to change the narrative.
Instead of saying they want more racial diversity in a community, which sounds like it’s coming from a place of privilege, the statement could be “Why is this community not more culturally diverse?”
This is an actionable statement that can aid in identifying issues and offers the potential to address them. It is now about the community as whole and not focusing the individual’s wishes.
There have been many times in my life when people say things to me and, while I know they mean well, it’s not received well. A couple of examples would be when people praise me for being an Indigenous voice at a table or committee, and the only thing they want to talk about is my heritage and not my skills or experience. It makes me feel like a token. When I used to compete in Strongman and other strength sports, I had many people approach me and tell me “I was an inspiration,” and I know the only reason I was an inspiration was because I am a bigger person. I didn’t see any of the other athletes getting the same praise.
People mean well and that is why I don’t say anything because the words aren’t meant to be hurtful, even though they feel hurtful.
This is the hard part of discussing these things. We are in a time where people are aware of inequalities and hundreds of years of oppression, and they are trying to do better than people before them.
I struggle with correcting people who are trying, because I appreciate the intention and I know that saying something could lead to someone not trying next time for fear of criticism.
It’s a tough balancing act of appreciating the efforts and correcting well-intentioned behaviour. If you have any suggestions, I’d love to hear them.
