We think we鈥檙e pretty good at social distancing. According to a recent Insights West survey of sa国际传媒 residents, 89 per cent of us rate ourselves as an 8, 9 or 10 out of 10 when it comes to our own social distancing behaviour. None of us gave ourselves less than a 4 out of 10.
Maybe the gold stars are merited. Or maybe failing to maintain physical distance from non-household members in a time of pandemic is now so deeply shameful that we simply don鈥檛 鈥檉ess up 鈥� right up there alongside anal leakage, picking one鈥檚 nose, and chewing one鈥檚 own toenails.
Because others don鈥檛 agree with our self-congratulatory self-ratings. Almost half of the survey鈥檚 respondents rated others in the 6 or 7 range, while 17 per cent outright failed other people鈥檚 efforts at keeping away from them.
If we are too ashamed to admit we鈥檙e not complying with current physical-distancing requirements, that reaction at least acknowledges that we should be complying.
And that is an improvement over the results of earlier polls. Thirty per cent of Canadians contacted by Research Co. in March thought it was reasonable to hold gatherings of up to 10 people during the pandemic, and 26 per cent of those polled by Ipsos in early April reported they weren鈥檛 fully following physical-distancing recommendations.
With the Insights West poll results in mind, I undertook an early morning survey of my own backyard neighbours to determine how they view their own and others鈥� success at physical distancing.
The young raccoons sniffing around the bottom of the trellis outside my window skedaddled when they saw me. Ma Raccoon, however, stood her ground.
鈥淛ust who do you think you are looking at my kids?鈥� she snarled at me through the glass.
She bared her teeth and advanced menacingly. I bared my teeth, hooked my hand into a claw, and growled back, 鈥淪ocial distancing!鈥�
Yeah, it was a bit like a toy poodle snarling at a pit bull from behind the safety of a fence, but there was no way I was going to let some two-foot-high bandit 鈥� no matter how vicious its reputation 鈥� threaten me through a window.
Raccoon鈥檚 social-distance rating 鈥� self: 10; others: 2.
My next unrandomly selected survey participant also became angry. 鈥淕o away,鈥� Robin squawked. 鈥淚f it鈥檚 not avian 鈥檉lu, who cares? Just stay away from me and my nest.鈥�
鈥淏ut there鈥檚 a window between us,鈥� I pointed out.
鈥淲hat鈥檚 a window? I don鈥檛 see a window. I see you, and you鈥檙e waaaay too close. You鈥檙e as bad as those murdering raccoons and all the others, always sniffing around my nest, hoping to eat my babies.鈥�
Robin鈥檚 rating 鈥� self: 10; others: 0.
I then asked the neighbour鈥檚 cat, which was passing through on her way to use our yard as her litterbox. 鈥淗ishsispit pfht!鈥� she answered, staring disdainfully at me. Robin started shrieking, 鈥淢urderer! Chick-snatcher! Cat-Napper!鈥�
Cat鈥檚 rating 鈥� self: 9; others: 2.
But when Rat trundled around the corner, Cat turned and scampered.
鈥淓ek,鈥� I said. (I didn鈥檛 say 鈥淓ek.鈥� You don鈥檛 need to know what I said. This is a family-oriented newspaper.) Fed on generous amounts of dog food, compost, baby birds and anything halfway edible regularly left outdoors in the neighbourhood, Rat is bigger than a football and freaks the anal leakage out of Cat, Robin and me. He could even take on Ma Raccoon.
鈥淢urderer! Chick-snatcher! Rat-Napper!鈥� Robin continued.
But Rat responded civilly to my questions as he explored the ground below Robin鈥檚 nest. 鈥淚鈥檇 say y鈥檃ll are really good at physical distancing. Robin flies away from me. Cat runs away from me. You run away from me. And I eat everthing left behind. Thanks, y鈥檃ll, for keeping me safe and well fed.鈥�
Rat鈥檚 rating 鈥� self: 3; others: 10.
Just then, a neighbour鈥檚 black Lab trotted into the yard. It saw Rat. It saw me. It wagged its tail, approached, and drooled.
Dog鈥檚 rating 鈥� self: 2; others: 2.
鈥淗ey, dude, social distancing and all that,鈥� said Rat, delicately nibbling on its own toenail. 鈥淗ave you had breakfast yet? 鈥機ause I could really nosh some dog kibble right about now.鈥�
As questionable as our own perceptions of our physical-distancing compliance are, backyard wildlife has its own problems respecting boundaries.
