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Dear Ellie: Am I ungrateful and spoiled for not wanting a fake designer bag? How do I tell my significant other that I don’t want anything fake without him feeling I’m ungrateful.

My birthday just passed, and my husband was struggling with what to gift me. He kept asking what I wanted, and I said that I didn’t want anything. Then I jokingly said that I wanted a really expensive designer bag.

I didn’t expect him to take me seriously as we have two children including a new baby, and we can’t afford lavish presents at this time.

He said that my gift would be late as he’s spending a lot of time looking and researching for the bag that I wanted, while I had repeatedly told him I’d be happy with new makeup and skincare.

It’s put a strain on our relationship, and it’s put me in an awkward situation. He bought a “super-fake” designer bag for a good price.

He’s extremely upset and thinks that I’m ungrateful because he spent so much time looking for it online and making sure that the bag is a perfect replica of the real one that even authenticators will have a hard time differentiating it from a real one.

He argues that it’s the principles that he’s upset about. He made sure that the bag is made with the same materials, design and quality as the original, so it’s just as good as an authentic one.

I agree and understand that if it’s made with the same materials, design and quality then it might as well be real. But it’s not.

I told him that with the money that he spent on this bag, I would’ve been happy with a less expensive brand that cost the same as what he spent.

I can’t win. I do appreciate the time he spent to make me happy with what he has.

Am I rude and ungrateful for feeling like it was a bad thought to begin with, to gift anything fake? Please help!

Hate Fakes

There’s something more significant happening here than a purse purchase. While you “jokingly” said you wanted “a really expensive designer bag” for your birthday, you weren’t being fully open with your husband on more significant matters as a couple: limited finances and the new baby.

Your persistent argument over “knock-offs,” (currently the rage among many relishing the lower price), is actually reflecting your mood.

I empathize with you, as your response to your husband’s efforts isn’t inconsistent with common postpartum “baby blues,” which usually only last a couple of weeks, according to the Mayo Clinic.

But if you’re currently feeling in a negative mood in general, it’s an important signal to see your doctor to prevent a longer-lasting depression.

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