Reader’s Commentary “My closest friend is a woman whom I met four years ago. We connected immediately and are still in as frequent contact as busy lives allow. I’m 10 years older than she is, now 35, plus married with children. She was then 21, single, new to our city, and open to dating.
“Since she was very attractive, there was no lack of available men in her work or community life who were attracted to, and interested in, her. But the count of candidates dwindled due to lack of interest or attraction on her part.
“As she recounted her dates to me, it was easy to predict what would inevitably happen: There were men who offered her romantic trips together (on first meeting!), a short-term suitor who kept insisting she move to his city though she worked six hours away, and another candidate who claimed needing medical care and asked to move into her place immediately!
“It was great fun for me to follow these events, but I admit that I worried sometimes that she’d give up on men altogether.
“Happily, I needn’t have worried. My friend married the perfect mate for all the years that have followed.”
Lesson in True Love
Ellie — From my vantage point on the sensitive world of relationship issues, it sometimes seems that both male and female participants start off by categorizing a would-be partner. Example: The just-met guy is considered a “jerk.” Or, the woman is quickly dismissed as too “picky.” In the end, these daters, whether online or in person, lose out on meeting their best choice.
The reason? One or both daters have a fixed set of requirements for a long-term relationship.
Unfortunately, things are rarely what they seem, especially from first meetings. One person might think that the other’s desire to split the bill at a restaurant, reveals that they are “cheap.” But maybe the other person on the date has always believed that sharing costs is a sign of fairness and respect, especially when two parties barely know each other.
New Information for Readers According to a study by University of Texas researchers, 40 to 50 per cent of couples get back together after a breakup. The research reveals that the reason is simple and practical: Singles are revisiting former relationships due to their fear of rejection.
Yet these fears are the reason many people lose out due to wrong judgments. Instead, the research shows that taking time to hear and discuss ideas with a person, rather than just “assess” them, is the route to greater comfort when connecting with someone new.
Dr. Sarah Hill, an award-winning research psychologist and professor specializing in the field of sex and dating, recommends that individuals, rather than settling, should consider broadening their dating horizons, including exploring age-gap relationships.
Similarly, a recent survey conducted by “Cougar Life” — a dating app for mature daters — stated that dating elderly women is an entry into a deeply mature dating community. The survey also reveals that young men can fall in love with mature women.
Also revealed is that “74 per cent of men and 80 per cent of women members of this app are aligned regarding sexual experience and stamina as a perceived benefit of dating someone 10 or more years apart.”
In addition, both men (95 per cent) and women (98 per cent) agree that an older woman can be as sexy or desirable to a man as a younger woman.
Reader’s Commentary “My forthcoming comments are based on Ontario, sa国际传媒 laws, while U.S. laws can be significantly different.
“Should the woman offered a pre-nuptial agreement ‘marry the guy, or run like hell?’
“A pre-nup does NOT dictate how finances are controlled AFTER marriage. Its primary purpose is to document what each party is bringing INTO the marriage. After marriage, whatever’s accumulated, regardless of who pays, is deemed ‘family property,’ so it gets split. What each brings in, each gets to keep upon leaving.
“That’s why the letter-writer’s cousin needs a lawyer familiar with marital and divorce matters within her legal jurisdiction.
“I’ve found that pre-nuptial agreements are very common for second marriages or where one or both have established significant finances prior to marriage. It protects BOTH parties.
“Note: It must be a document drawn up by a knowledgeable lawyer. But know that laws can change to make some clauses, or even the entire agreement, become void.”
Ellie’s tip of the day
Do NOT list your requirements for the “perfect mate.” Instead, be the best partner you can be and work at just loving each other.
Send relationship questions to [email protected] or [email protected]
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