Dear Ellie: Some of our business associates send us gifts at this time of year. They are always thoughtful gifts, and we appreciate them.
One sends us beautiful tree ornaments each year. Another always sends a large poinsettia plant. It’s quite lovely, and I’m sure it’s expensive.
Here’s the problem: I’m sure that many people we know — and others too — can’t use these or other gifts for a number of personal and private reasons, e.g. diet issues, alcoholism, religious differences and other circumstances. Every year we thank them for the gifts, but we feel awkward about it.
Should we say something? Or just keep accepting and thanking? We are quite friendly, professionally, and we do not want to embarrass anyone.
Your thoughts and suggestions would be appreciated.
Awkward Generosity
At this season of generosity, caring for others and expressing goodwill, there are countless ways to reciprocate. Given the realities of needs in our communities, you could suggest to business associates to create a Christmas fund for the truly needy.
There are many: food banks, shelters for the homeless, warm clothing for children, out-of-the-cold hot meals and sleepovers in churches, synagogues, mosques and other charitable venues. These projects offer hope … which is the essence of the season.
FEEDBACK More about tipping the housecleaner (Dec. 5):
Reader — “I have read your column for many years, and Ann Landers previously when I was a teen.
“I wanted to add another perspective on tipping the cleaner at the holidays. It might help the writer to consider it as holiday pay.
“Employees are entitled to two weeks paid vacation every year, and cleaners don’t enjoy that benefit, which means they must go without pay for the days that they don’t work, including statutory holidays.
“If a cleaner’s clients are normally on a bi-weekly schedule and each client gave holiday pay equivalent to one day of cleaning, the cleaner would be able to have two weeks paid vacation. That is how my spouse and I decide what to ‘tip’ our cleaner. Really, it is a bare minimum, as that does not cover statutory holidays.
Ellie — Many thanks for reading this column all these years! It’s refreshing to learn that some people take time and care to consider and figure out a way to be thoughtful about dealing with tipping domestic helpers/cleaners with the idea of “holiday pay,” putting them on par with other employees who are entitled to two weeks paid vacation every year.
FEEDBACK Regarding the retired teacher replying to the mom obsessed with her kids’ homework (Dec. 2):
Reader — “I don’t know what this retired teacher was teaching, but if she was only assigning her students work in order to keep them quiet and busy, she wasn’t doing her job.
“Teachers don’t assign work just to keep kids quiet. We assign work so that students can learn the material and practise problem-solving skills on their own. Most teachers I know provide enough time in class for students to complete their work. If students aren’t completing it, then yes, they must finish it for homework.
“Mom (and Dad) should be encouraging their kids to finish their work (without doing it for them) and should be asking them why they aren’t finishing it in class (they are probably not on task during class time).”
Readers’ Commentary Regarding holding back late-year-born children for one school year (Dec. 6):
“We have four children, three born in November and December who were obviously younger than their peers. We worried about them thriving in school. We spoke with a principal and a kindergarten teacher about a one-year hold back, and were told, ‘I wish all children born later in the year were held back a year, especially boys.’
“As a result, we held back these three until the following year. Each of them had excellent grade-school and high school experiences (two were class presidents) and completed university and postgrad work on scholarships. They’re each also thriving in their respective work areas.
“The only time holding them back was evident was on ‘Field Day,’ when they’re required to be in their age-groups. We believe that the holdback made the difference between feeling timid and insecure vs. confident and secure, which would impact them their entire lives.”
Ellie’s tip of the day
The essence of Christmas gifting is a heartfelt expression of caring for others, not only through exchanges of material things, but more so, through sharing friendship and goodwill.
Send relationship questions to [email protected] or [email protected]
Follow @ellieadvice.
