Dear Ellie: I’m worried about my younger brother who thinks he’s 17, instead of his actual age of 71 . There’s only two of us left and I fear that I’ll lose him, too, soon.
He was our late mother’s “star”: he played high school basketball and was a standout member of his hockey team. Mom’s gone now, but I think my brother still performs for her. Our father died years before… more reason for me to worry about my brother’s current and future health.
He defies aging. In one day alone, he’ll go to the Y to play handball, often competing against men in their 40s, and even younger. Later, he’ll go to a scheduled hour at a men’s fitness class, where most of the regulars are two to three decades younger than him.
When I remind him that humans don’t have a forever clause in our longevity, he laughs and says he’ll take what happens.
I actually admire him, but I’m totally unprepared for going on without him. I’m divorced and have a small circle of long-time friends. We meet every few weeks for casual dinners together and do some fundraising for causes we find important.
How do I get my brother to understand how essential he is to me, and take better care of his energy and health?
Needing Supportive Sibling
Your brother is already doing what he feels necessary for his well-being. So long as he periodically gets a general health checkup from his family doctor, and accepts any new direction to get specialized care, he’s focusing more than you realize on his preferred routines.
They haven’t harmed him so far, and you have no discernible reason to pass along serious unproved fears.
Enjoy your brother’s positive outlook. And keep up your women’s group that gets you out for sociable dinners, plus your charitable outreach efforts which are meaningful and uplifting.
Your brother is undoubtedly proud of you for this work you do.
And you can be proud, too, about his sunny outlook.
Reader’s Commentary regarding Fed-up Groom (Jan. 6):
“This groom is already seeing his future. He will have to contend with ‘baby sister’ throughout his marriage, not just at the wedding… until this issue is addressed and resolved.
“I suggest postponing the wedding. Unless ‘baby sister’ is treated professionally, she’ll never change, or may get worse.
“This groom must clarify that she’ll be treated only as a sister-in-law. And she’s not permitted to influence this couple’s lives unless she makes constructive comments but doesn’t get upset if they’re not followed.
“I suggest that the couple take a pause in plans.”
Dear Ellie: I have a friend who loves to talk about herself (mostly her health issues) and rarely stops to listen to what others have to say.
We’re all afraid to say anything to her because we love socializing with her husband and don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.
This has caused most of us to just not want to get together with her. She has many good qualities and can also be an interesting person.
Needing help on how to handle this!
Chatterbox
Depending on age, many people become obsessed with health issues because they’re scared of long-term illness or suffering from potential outcomes.
You’re not alone with this issue. I suggest that your friendship group lightens up the conversations gently, but firmly changes the topic.
Interject and say something positive such as, “I’m sure your doctor can help you in a private consultation, which will be more helpful to you than we are.”
Dear Ellie: I agreed to get a cat on the promise that my wife and her son would be the primary caregivers. After a few years, I realized I was the one dealing with the litter, food and water, and even occasional vet visits. Meanwhile, my wife and her son just enjoyed the fun parts. I am not a pet-hater, I just never had any growing up.
The cat eventually died of kidney failure. Then my wife wanted another cat. I made it very clear that the minute I needed to do anything, for whatever reason, I would return the cat to the animal shelter. She didn’t believe me, until one day the cat was gone, and I informed her which animal shelter I took it to.
I think this marriage is over. Do you agree?
Cat-napped
It’s not up to me, nor the cat. Do what feels right. You don’t get nine lives.
Ellie’s tip of the Day
Try not to let fear overwhelm your thoughts. Stay connected with people you trust and enjoy.
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