Dear Lisi: I bumped into a woman I know from years ago when I worked in an office downtown. She looked in good health and recognized me right away. Her husband was also friendly and happy to see me. But neither of them introduced me to the other person there.
The third person just smiled, said hello, but also didn’t introduce themselves or engage. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do, so I left quickly.
What is the etiquette in this situation?
Awkward meeting
Apparently my immediate response is echoed by the internet: If you meet someone for the first time and you aren’t introduced properly, introduce yourself. State your name, how you come to be at the party/meeting, or how you know the people who failed to introduce you. Then ask the other person for their name. Even if it’s awkward, it’s better to be inclusive.
Dear Lisi: I went to a yoga class earlier this week and left feeling more stressed than when I arrived. It’s not my usual class, or the usual instructor. I had the day off work so opted to try this class.
The truth is, I’m very stressed right now. I think my boyfriend is about to dump me and I just found out that I have to move out of my apartment at the end of the year. In other words, I’m not in a good mood. I thought the yoga would be good for me.
I sat down and waited for the class to start. A woman sat down beside me and tried to make conversation. I can’t even remember what she said but I just gave her a half smile and turned away. She tried to engage me several times before the class started but I wasn’t into it.
Why couldn’t she just leave me alone?
Yogi breathing
I guess the reverse question could be, why couldn’t you have just been friendly? Maybe she was trying to make you feel comfortable, knowing you were new because she’d never seen you before. Maybe she was also new and trying to find her place in the class. Maybe she could tell you were stressed and was trying to take your mind off whatever’s bothering you.
There’s no law against people talking in a yoga class. If you really didn’t want to engage, you could have said something like, “I’m sorry but I have a terrible headache and need to just breathe.” I bet she would have stopped talking to you.
FEEDBACK Regarding the husband’s negative comments on his wife’s new “look.” (Sept. 24):
Reader – I strongly suspect he may have openly commented, even inadvertently, maybe not knowing his wife was within earshot. Stop talking about how you feel and do something about it.
A date night is a good choice. Also, he could take her shopping for some sexy lingerie and a new outfit specifically for this date night. She may have gained too much weight and not fit into any of her stylish clothes, which is upsetting and therefore forces her to wear other clothes.
And don’t even think twice about the grey hair. Think of Lisa LaFlamme. Grey hair is sexy. The frizz is easy to tame with the right products, and perhaps once she has the right clothes, she’ll be more inclined to take care of her hair. Whenever anyone comments about grey hair, my response is always “at least you have hair” and then I either blame the headboard (jokingly) or the hard hat (seriously).
And remember, COVID did a huge number on many people. I’m still fighting the weight I gained. Perhaps his wife is too.
But it’s extremely important to comment on all the positives and admire her so she feels loved and desired.
Dear Lisi: How do I get my mother to stop calling me daily and telling me what she found on sale? It’s great she’s such a competitive shopper, and financially aware. But I don’t need to know that bananas are on sale today at one store, only to be told they’re on sale somewhere else tomorrow. We’re talking a difference of cents!
I’m a busy dentist who can’t be interrupted constantly.
Help!
Sale away
Your mother sounds bored and lonely. I have no idea what she did before shopping around for bananas on sale, but I bet it was far more engaging. If you’re already a dentist, then your mother is probably slowing down, perhaps even retired.
Find her something fun to do, like a game she can play with friends, a sport she can play, a class she can take, and agree that you’ll speak at a certain time daily, on your schedule.
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions to [email protected].
