Dear Lisi: I can’t take this weather fluctuation. I know there’s absolutely NOTHING anyone can do about it, least of all me, but it’s screwing up my equilibrium and messing with my mental health. I enjoy all four seasons, which is why I live in a city known for its distinctive seasonal weather.
I love fall because I love “sweater weather”: that time of year when you’re not cold, but want to be warm, so you layer up with a cosy sweater. I love winter because I love snow, ice skating, making snowmen and hiking in the woods. I love spring because I love the smell of the earth waking up, the beautiful flowers popping out of the ground and the sunshine. And finally, I love summer because I love the heat, sitting outdoors on patios and wearing sandals.
It’s the beginning of March (NOTE: We work a few weeks ahead) and in the past three days, the temperature has fluctuated more than 20 degrees in either direction. We’ve had sunshine, rain, and snow; and I don’t know whether I’m coming or going. I’m not feeling in control and I need more balance.
What do I do?
Seasonal Sally
My advice is to learn what can help you feel calm, whether that’s sleeping until your body clock wakes you (as opposed to using an alarm); taking long lunch breaks; going for walks in the woods; engaging in exercise and sports; using light therapy; self-care, such as massage; or even specific medications. If your feelings can’t be managed on your own (that’s not uncommon or a failure in any way), seek professional help.
Reader’s Commentary Regarding the question from the annoyed sister about her brother’s girlfriend who’s not a nice person (Jan. 9):
“I really appreciated reading how the father stepped in after a fight between the brother and girlfriend, telling them to leave, and explaining to the girlfriend that when she is in their home she must show every member of the family the respect they deserve.
“My son’s girlfriend, now his wife, has always been very disrespectful to us, her own parents, and her husband (our son). We were quite surprised how rude she was to her dad on the phone one evening while she was in our home, early in their relationship. She is also rude and bossy to them in person. They seem to be afraid of her and never say anything back.
“In the beginning she was fine, but a few months after dating our son we found her to be very disrespectful to our family while in our home. My son never speaks back to her but, instead, defends her and gets upset if anyone says anything about her. And if you do say something to her, she flies off in a rage, slams doors and pouts.
“Now they have two children who my husband and I just adore. We constantly feel threatened that we will never see the boys again if we say anything to her about her behaviour. It’s like blackmail.
“One Christmas they brought their new puppy with them (who wasn’t properly house trained) and, while she ignored the pup, it peed all over my new carpet. I was very upset. She never apologized and after they left, texted me to say they didn’t have a good time, and I ruined her Christmas because I was grumpy. This rude behaviour goes on and on and frustrates me and my husband. We put up with her just so we can see the grandchildren, but we don’t enjoy her company. I wish I would have said something at the beginning of their relationship, like the father in the letter, especially now that there are grandchildren to consider.
Threatened Grandma
FEEDBACK Regarding the tattooed sister (Feb. 8):
Reader No. 1 – “I must express my profound disappointment regarding your response to the ‘tatted sis’ letter. Without knowing the family environment the sisters live in, forcing disclosure of the illicit tattoo could put the young woman at risk of violence, homelessness or worse. Additionally, swimsuits do not necessitate showing off one’s rear; there are many swimsuit styles available that offer full rump coverage, including shorts.
“Sharing something as personal as a tattoo that was purposefully placed in a hidden spot was a moment of bonding between the two sisters, she shouldn’t blow that trust.”
Reader No. 2 – “If it’s on her butt cheek, it’s out of sight, right? What’s the point of her sister telling her to reveal her ‘cute’ little secret to their parents if, as a teenager, the tattooed girl won’t be walking around exposing it? Out of sight, out of mind.”
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist based in Toronto. Send your questions to [email protected]
