Dear Lisi: One of my work associates talks about nothing but work, all the time. We can be in the washroom, the lunchroom, at a holiday party or even the odd occasion when we get together at night, with a group of people for drinks.
At first, I thought she was just shy and didn’t know how to make small talk. Then I thought it was kind of funny because it was so out of place. But now I realize she’s just a one-trick pony … and the trick’s getting old.
Unfortunately, I’m not the only one who is noticing. No one wants to hang out with her anymore; we don’t sit with her at lunch or invite her to join us if we’re making a plan outside of work. We all have lives outside of the office – partners, children, family, hobbies and interests. We have so much more to talk about!
I feel badly for her and the situation, but I’m just not interested in only talking about work. Is there something else I should be doing?
Work Shmerk
I completely understand why you need a break from “shop talk” — no matter what you do for a living. I’m going to assume that at some point you said something to this woman, gently, about her single-focused subject matter. If you haven’t, you may want to start there. Maybe she doesn’t realize that’s all she talks about; maybe she doesn’t realize that you don’t like it.
But if you’ve already tried that route, and nothing has changed, then you’ve done your part. There’s no rule that states you must be friends with your workmates.
However, something isn’t sitting right with you, so you could try one more approach, which would be to go out with her alone, for lunch or dinner, and explain the situation. Perhaps she just needs coaching on how to talk to other people about something other than work.
Dear Lisi: I manage a group of volunteers at one of the local foodbanks in my hometown. At this time of year especially, we need all the help we can get, both from donations and from volunteers. We need to sort the food that comes in, check it to see if it’s useable, organize it, etc.
I have one volunteer who constantly and consistently is a no-show. I know who she is and so I don’t count her when I’m looking at how many people I have. However, the scheduling system is online and I don’t have the means to alter it.
I’ve spoken with my supervisor, showed her several incidents of this woman not showing up when she has reserved a spot, and she agrees that it’s unfair to everyone. But we can’t stop her from putting her name in the schedule.
We decided to speak with her together, if she showed up to the next shift she scheduled. No-show again! What do we do?
Value-less volunteer
I suggest finding out who created the online sign-up system, and who updates it. Someone has to do that manually, to input the dates needed and the hours, shifts, etc. With your supervisor, explain the situation to this person, and simply ask if she can open up the number of volunteers by one. That way you’ll always have the people you need whether she shows or otherwise.
And, if she does ever show up, thank her for her volunteerism, and then explain the situation. Ask her only to sign up if she can definitely make it. Otherwise, there are many others who would like her spot.
FEEDBACK Regarding the woman dealing with a binge-eating overweight husband (Nov. 8):
Reader 1 – “This guy needs a wake-up call. Instead of locking the fridge, try installing an alarm that wakes everyone up. Yes, it would be extremely disruptive to the family, but maybe he needs something like that.
“I also suggest leaving healthy snacks out in the open.
“Maybe also start discussing a succession plan. Update your wills together. Ensure that he has sufficient life insurance. Basically, openly plan his demise. This woman and her children need to move on after his passing, so that needs to be planned now. Openly planning for life after he is gone may be the wake-up call he needs.
“He definitely should have been sent out to purchase replacement food for whatever he had eaten.
“I do like the idea of getting him ‘a few sessions with a personal trainer and/or a nutritionist.’ ”
Ellie Tesher and Lisi Tesher are advice columnists based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions via email: [email protected] or [email protected]
