Dear Lisi: My best friend’s dog is a beautiful, loving, fluffy boy who wags his tail incessantly and licks those he loves as much as he’s allowed. To know him is to love him. But if he doesn’t know you, watch out! He’s never bitten anyone, but his growl is very scary.
She lives in a duplex with her boyfriend, who also loves the dog. They take great care of him, and usually one of them is working from home, so the dog is well loved and rarely lonely. I’m over a lot, as is my boyfriend, so we make the cut.
Last month, they went away and we offered to watch the dog. I didn’t think it would be difficult as we know him so well. We brought him to our place, where he has been numerous times, and he was fine inside. But each time we took him for a walk, he would growl and snarl at our neighbours. We told our friends all about it when they got back, but they brushed it off.
Now they’ve asked us to look after him again, but we’re apprehensive based on his unpredictable behaviour. We love our friends and want to help out, but we’re not comfortable saying yes.
What do we do?
Snarl monster
My first thought is, could you say yes but stay at their house? That way the dog is in familiar surroundings both inside and out. From your description, he shouldn’t get growly at the neighbours as he should recognize them.
Obviously, I don’t know if that’s a possibility, but if it is, that’s one option.
The other option is to just say no. You could come up with somewhere you need to be, giving yourselves a legit inarguable excuse. Or you could just say no, explaining the discomfort you felt and the immense responsibility in case he acted on his snarl.
Your friends will hopefully understand, and hopefully get their dog some training.
Dear Lisi: I had a crush on a girl in high school for three years. We met, became friends, and got closer and closer every year. I was convinced that she liked me as much as I liked her, until about six months in, when she told me she liked one of my friends.
I stayed quiet, let them have their relationship, and maintained my friendship with this girl. They broke up six months later, and we were inseparable again. We had a group, so it wasn’t just the two of us alone. I never let her know how I really felt.
About a year later, we were at a party, she was drunk and leaned in to kiss me. Obviously, I kissed her back and we ended up spending the night together. In the morning, she was remorseful and apologized profusely thinking I felt the same way. She kept saying, “we shouldn’t have done that,” and “I hope our friendship doesn’t get awkward because of this.”
But then she got awkward and avoided me completely. Our friend group knew what happened, but not how I felt inside. She switched schools for senior year (an uncanny coincidence that her dad was relocated) and I haven’t seen her or spoken to her in two years.
But I really want to reach out and be friends again. Should I?
Crushed out
If you are honest with yourself that your crush is over, and you really think that after all this time you two can be friends, then yes. Why not?
But, if you think that your friendship will lead to something else, you’re setting yourself up for a second disappointment, and you know better.
Keep your expectations low and go for it.
FEEDBACK Regarding a woman who makes today’s parenting look easy (June 24):
Reader – “WOW! After reading about Rhoda Skinner, I was awestruck.
“Surely this amazing lady deserves more than a plaque! Perhaps a statue, stamp or even a place on our currency instead of long-forgotten politicians. Real people like her built this country.”
FEEDBACK Regarding the hairy armpits (June 26):
Reader – “Perhaps the writer should consider the Serenity Prayer: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
“Who is being harmed by the hairy armpits? Nobody. The writer wishes to have her personal preferences forced onto someone who isn’t hurting anyone in any form.
“My advice: grow up and accept that there are people with different beliefs about many subjects. And as long as no one is hurt by them, they can have those beliefs.”
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist for the Star based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions via email: [email protected].
