Dear Lisi: I take the worst photos. I am so unphotogenic, it’s awful. I’m 36, but in photos I either look 15 or 85. Everyone laughs and thinks it’s funny, which it is, except I never look good, or like myself!
I’ve tried everything — I’ve had professional makeup lessons to learn how to contour; I’ve watched countless videos on how to stand, tilt my head, wear my hair, but nothing seems to work. And it’s not posed photos that are the problem, really, because those don’t happen often.
It’s the fun, out with friends, hanging with my family, candid shots that are just awful. Do you have any helpful advice?
Photo Bomb
We are most often our own worst critics. Do your friends and family agree that the photos are awful? Or is it just you?
Perhaps getting some professional photos done would be helpful. They would be able to tell you what looks good on you, from colour to style, which is your “better” side, and how to make the camera love you.
Remember that what you see is not what others see. A fun photo of you and your friends sitting at a bar will stir memories of the evening, all the laughter and feelings of friendship. Only you will notice that your hand is bent awkwardly, or you have a pimple on your chin.
Dear Lisi: My 82-year-old dad is ageing but doesn’t want to admit it. He turns on the kettle, but when it starts to whistle, he’ll just lift the lid and let it boil away. He’s gone through two in the past few months.
He seems to be able to care for himself in that he wakes up every morning, has breakfast, walks his dog and calls both my sister and me to chat. He drives himself to appointments, meets friends for lunch and watches TV.
We got him a dog-walker, so someone is making sure that the dog is fine, and she sees my dad twice a day. She’s really kind and calls me every afternoon with an update.
But we’re still worried about my dad and how to keep him safe and healthy. Any thoughts?
Dear Dad
Ageing is a process that presents differently for everyone. At 82, living alone, still driving, and meeting friends, your dad is doing great! But every day is a new day. Having eyes on him twice daily was a great idea. Perhaps between yourself and your sister – and any other family members – you can set up a schedule where he has family interaction at least twice a week.
No one wants to admit to their weaknesses or frailties, but it’s the cycle of life. Help your dad live a dignified life, on his terms, but with his (and the dog’s) safety as top priority. A kettle with an automatic shut off feature might be a good gift.
FEEDBACK Regarding the thank yous (Nov. 25 and Dec. 15):
Reader – “A thank you goes a long way! I’m happy to see someone else decided to write in about this.
“A thank you is always necessary, whether it was a $50 gift or a $5 gift, and anyone who thinks thank yous are no longer required is dead wrong. I also agree that if they cannot say a simple ‘thank you,’ then no further tips should be given.
“You also went further and suggested the cleaning staff were underpaid, when you had no knowledge of what was paid. It’s up to the person providing the service to increase their fees if they wish.”
Lisi – The original column was Ellie’s, but you misunderstood. She wasn’t suggesting they were underpaid in their fees; rather that their tip could have been higher.
FEEDBACK Regarding the pregnant mom and her elderly parents (Dec. 14):
Reader – “I just wanted to commend you on your advice to the woman who has parents in their late 70s, who babysit her five-year-old daughter (including overnights) and who asked if she is expecting too much of her parents. You are absolutely right on!
“Of course the parents will not say no to their daughter’s requests for assistance. They love their grandchild; but as a 66-year-old, I can see from looking around at my friends, that they are worn out from taking care of their grandchildren.
“I’m not sure when the expectations of parents changed, but now it seems that babysitting of grandchildren (and pets) is expected on a regular basis. This just seems to be taking advantage of the generosity of the older generation.”
Lisi – It’s less about their age and more about their energy.
Ellie Tesher and Lisi Tesher are advice columnists for the Star and based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions via email: [email protected] or [email protected]
