Dear Lisi: My husband and I were both born in sa国际传媒 to parents from Arab countries. Our children were also born in sa国际传媒. We are all assimilated and wear non-traditional modern clothing. My children go to public school with children of all ethnicities, religious backgrounds, and skin colour. We have never had any problems of racial or religious targeting.
However, during this current political climate, my husband and I feel it necessary to protect our children more rigorously as they clearly look ethnic. Our teenage daughter has been allowed to Uber home, with a friend, for about a year. We’ve told her that right now, that’s off the table, and we’ve offered to drive her and/or pick her up from wherever she is going.
She’s mad at us, screaming that we are horrible parents, making her self-conscious of who she is, and embarrassing her in front of her friends. How do we explain that her safety and well-being is all that matters to us?
Protective Parents
You are not alone in this issue. Parents around the globe are holding their children tighter these past few weeks. It’s a confusing situation because as parents, we don’t want our children to see what’s going on (all experts strongly suggest keeping teenagers and all younger children off social media right now), yet we need them to understand that things are different. We don’t want to scare them, but we are scared for them. We don’t want to disrupt their lives in any way, yet we have changed the rules and have become stricter.
The bottom line is that you are the parent, and it is your job and your responsibility to protect your children. Right now, there is no wrong way to do that, unless you go to the extreme. You have to do what feels best for you and your family.
And remember this — she’s a teenager. Nothing you do will be the right thing in her opinion.
Dear Lisi: My sister spends money like water…. then asks my parents to pay her rent and utilities. It’s not my business except that they then complain to me about it. I’ve asked them not to discuss this particular topic with me because I find it infuriating, but they continue to do so.
My sister and I are close-ish, but I can’t hear about all her spending, especially when it’s focused on new cannabis products and clothing. I feel like I’m stuck in the middle of a family feud that hasn’t yet happened.
I love my family, and respect them for who they are, but I live life differently. I’m frugal and never ask my parents for financial help. I don’t understand either of them. Help!
Family Finances
You do you — especially since it’s working for you. Tell your sister to stop informing you of all her purchases. You’d rather it not be your business. And you must impress upon your parents that their annoyance with your sister’s spending is between them and your sister. By discussing it with you, they are inadvertently putting you in the middle, which isn’t fair.
Dear Lisi: How do I convince my wife that getting a puppy will be beneficial to our family? She is so not on board.
Doggy Daddy
Do your research and present the facts. Find a breed that you think will suit your family best. State why. Create a (basic) schedule with your children of feeding, walking, playing, and grooming and present that to your wife. Find the name of a reputable trainer, vet and groomer, and present a cost analysis, including necessities such as a leash, collar, bed, crate, food, treats, and poop bags.
Then find a litter and take your wife to meet the puppies. Hopefully, she’ll cave.
FEEDBACK Regarding my response to a sister wishing to help her sister with her fashion sense (Oct. 4):
Reader — “I am dismayed by the way you decided to respond publicly to a sister worried about her sister’s fashion choices. The letter replicated the sister’s implicit fat-shaming of her sister even as it purported to express concern about how best to help. Why did you republish the description of the sister’s body? Your answer did not require you to recirculate the sister’s shaming of her sibling, but you did and so you amplified its fat-shaming message.”
Lisi — Upon editing the letter-writer’s question, I didn’t recognize that repeating some of her descriptions of her sister could be construed as amplifying a negative message. I apologize to anyone who found that unnecessary and/or triggering. But I stand by my response — the letter-writing sister should mind her own business.
Ellie Tesher and Lisi Tesher are advice columnists for the Star and based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions to [email protected] or [email protected].
