Dear Lisi: My husband is obsessed with cars. He talks about cars all the time; watches car stuff on TV and online; goes on trips to see special cars at special events. Usually the locations are fun, so the rest of the family can enjoy the vacation time.
But lately, his obsession seems to be getting worse. His secretary has called me twice this month asking if I know where my husband is as he’s not answering her calls and is missing meetings. I think he’s at work, so I get worried. And then I find him at a car dealer, or a private home of another car fanatic.
My husband recently inherited money from an aunt who died, enough for him to purchase a car or two. But we could also use that money for more family-oriented benefits, such as a renovation or vacation.
Cars are taking over my husband’s life and getting in the way of our relationship, not to mention our family life. What do I do?
Car Widow
This is the first time I have ever received a question like this. Having a hobby or strong interest is healthy; it gives you a focus in life outside your relationships, your family, your work. But if and when those interests turn into an obsession, the positive has now turned negative.
An obsession, by definition, is something that preoccupies you and intrudes on your daily thoughts. Your husband may not realize he has the crossed the line and his interest is negatively affecting you.
You need to talk to your husband. He may see your point of view and be able to dial it back. Or not. If the latter, he’ll need to speak to someone professionally.
Dear Lisi: I recently moved in with my boyfriend, in a city about three hours away from my parents. I’ve been back twice in the past three months. Once to pick up stuff I forgot, and once because I missed my family. But after two days, I could tell my mom was ready for me to leave.
Now I’m worried: what if living with my boyfriend doesn’t work out? Will my mom let me move back home? Or is she so happy I’ve left, that I can never come back?
Dumped Daughter
Your sign off, and your concerns, give me reason to believe that you are feeling very anxious. About what exactly, I’m not sure. There isn’t enough information here.
My guess is that you weren’t quite ready to move out, and you’re worried that living with your boyfriend isn’t what you hoped it would be.
It may not have been the best choice. But if you’ve only been living together three months, you haven’t given it enough time. Remember that dating someone when you both live at home with your parents, is very different than living with that same someone. It’s not even the same as going on vacation for a week or two. Living with someone is a commitment.
That doesn’t mean you have to accept all of their quirks. If something really bothers you, you can discuss it and try to compromise. But some things will never change. You have to be able to accept and make it work. Or not.
Back to your questions. I don’t think you have to worry. You didn’t mention your age, so I’m going to assume you’re in your early 20s. I’m sure that if things don’t work out with your boyfriend, and you need to move back home, your mom will be thrilled to have you. Until you find a place of your own.
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