Dear Lisi: My young nephew, age 15, is in his second year of high school. He has been a committed reader all his life, and his parents allow him to read as he will, with very few restrictions. He is a bright and pleasant boy.
A few days ago, he came home very upset. What happened was that his English teacher was giving a class on a well-known English poem. Instead of addressing any of the power of the poem, the teacher demeaned it. The teacher then simply asked, “What is the poet saying?”
My nephew had enough and spoke up. He said, “This poem is more complex and more beautiful than we are making it.” The teacher was embarrassed.
What does a young person do when they know more than the teacher?
A Little Knowledge
A good teacher would have been able to recognize that your nephew had extensive knowledge on a subject that he/she didn’t possess and would have then asked your nephew to expound on his viewpoint.
There are always going to be children who know more than their teachers in certain areas. My cousin was obsessed with rocks as a child. In his science class, in fourth grade, he schooled his teacher when they were studying petrology. His teacher was duly impressed and asked him to put together a lesson for the following week, as a follow-up.
Don’t let your nephew feel anything negative. He knows what he knows, and he should continue reading.
Dear Lisi: My fiancé and I are in a rut. We’re both just getting started in our careers and are both working long hours. He’s in finance and was poached to help with a new start-up company; I’ve just joined a brand-new veterinary clinic as the junior vet on staff. We both play sports and have lots of friends and family. Weeks will go by, and we’ll realize we’ve spent no time alone, no time thinking about our wedding, no time as an engaged couple.
We’ve even both had to miss something for the other, due to conflicting schedules. I know this isn’t how it will always be, but…. might it? I miss my guy and our relationship.
Lonely Bride-to-be
Life can be very busy, at times, and you two are in the thick of it. But you must start scheduling your time better to include each other. That’s not a blame thing; it’s a learning curve. And learning how to do it now will help you out so much later on.
Sit down together at the end of each month and look at your schedules. Some people colour code their calendars with His, Hers, and Ours. Others have multiple calendars. Whatever works for you. Of course, things come up throughout the month, but at the beginning, when you’re syncing, schedule some couple time. Stick it in the calendar.
Also, try to match up your extracurricular activities, as well. If Thursday is his sports night, try to make that your night for sports too. Doubling up, with both of you busy on the same night, will leave more nights when you’re both free.
FEEDBACK Regarding the pregnant mom concerned about her ageing parents (Dec. 14):
Reader #1 – “I think it was incredibly ageist of you to conclude that this woman was tiring out her parents who are in their late 70s.
“They’re fully autonomous adults, if they’re being asked, why would they be any different than any other adults? I have many people in my life who are in their late 70s, even early 80s who relish spending time with their grandchildren and would be devastated to have this taken away because someone else thought they were tired.”
Lisi – It was their other daughter who said the parents were tired. Not me.
Reader #2 - “In the not-too-distant future her parents will be needing their help. Are they fully prepared to reciprocate? Or will they be depending on her sister to help?
“This change could very likely happen in an EXTREMELY short time frame. They also need to be aware of the very distinct possibility of dementia. Their children’s safety must also always be consideration.
“They need to start looking for alternatives for babysitting NOW. But say nothing to the loving grandparents. They want to be in their grandchildren’s life, but within their capabilities. They will NEVER say anything.”
Lisi – I agree that the children’s safety is of the utmost importance. And it sounds as though this close family will help each other reciprocally. I don’t think you can bring in dementia without any evidence. That’s unfair.
Ellie Tesher and Lisi Tesher are advice columnists for the Star and based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions via email: [email protected] or [email protected]
