Dear Lisi: I’m a single dad with a young son who has some special needs. My ex-wife couldn’t handle the needs of our son and is in denial as a parent. Though she loves him, he is with me 85 to 90 per cent of the time. I adore my son and would do anything for him.
But it has been life changing. I’ve had to change the angle of my career — which I’m so fortunate was a possibility — and now I work from home almost entirely. My ex-wife also has a big career and is unable and unwilling to change it for our son.
It’s been 18 months and I’m lonely for adult conversation outside of work, and adult affection. I have met some lovely women who are in similar parenting positions as myself, but all are married (though not all happily). There’s one woman in particular with whom I feel a spark, but I don’t want to be the reason her marriage ends.
How and where do I meet women when I barely have time to brush my teeth?
Lonely Dad
Tough gig, but hopefully, as your son gets older, you’ll find a rhythm to your schedule. Yes, I imagine it has been lonely for you and you are more than deserving of meeting someone to share your life with — or at least have some fun times.
I agree that you’re probably best to look outside of the circle of women with whom you share parenting hours. Though they’ll be sympathetic to your lifestyle, and the demands of parenting a child with special needs, you’re sticking too close to home.
And you definitely don’t want to get involved with the woman unhappy in her marriage — at least until her marriage is fully over, if that happens.
So, your best bet is to join some online dating sites. There are many — some free, some cost, and each has a different slant. There’s DateMyAge, Match.com, Bumble, Tinder, Hinge — to name a few.
Do your research and see which one suits your needs best. Good luck!
Reader’s Commentary regarding the reader passing judgment on a letter writer (July 17; Aug. 30):
“I agree there is nothing wrong with questioning and even judging people’s behaviour. We do it all the time and we should. We must question and then make judgments about our doctors, police, teachers, etc., and we have a right to condemn unacceptable behaviour in anyone.
“But Reader 2 seems to have missed your point: if we don’t have all the facts, our judgments can be just as questionable as the behaviours we are judging. Many years ago, an author on the Oprah show recounted being on the subway next to a man who was oblivious as to the disruptive and rambunctious behaviour of his two young sons. Incensed, the author finally admonished the father. The latter apologized in a shaky voice, and then went on to explain that he didn’t know what to do with them as they’d just come from the hospital where their mother had died.
“I recall, too, a few years ago when subway patrons took pictures of a token seller asleep in his booth. The picture was published in Toronto papers. Turns out the man was very ill but struggling to hang on to his job. He died several weeks later.”
Lisi – I remember that story about the man and his children on the subway. It all falls under the adage “Don’t judge a book by its cover,” which means, don’t judge anyone or anything from a quick first glance. You have NO IDEA what’s going on.
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist for the Star based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions via email: [email protected].
