Dear Lisi: My sister is a fashion victim. She is constantly shopping and wearing the newest hottest styles, in the colour of the season, whether it looks good on her or not. She happens to be a large girl with a shapeless kind of body: flat-chested and flat butt, no waist to speak of, and not a lot of definition in her legs and arms.
And she has pale red hair and brown eyes, so not all colours look good on her. I’m in advertising with a strong sense of aesthetic. I try to help her look her best, but she thinks I’m trying to sabotage her.
I’ve tried buying her items I think will look good on her; she returns them. I’ve tried going shopping with her – she hates everything I choose.
I want the best for my sister, but she doesn’t believe me. How can I help her?
Fashion Faux-pas
Walk away from your sister’s wardrobe. Her body, her clothes, her choice. If she wants to wear a hot pink tie-dye matching sweatpants and sweatshirt (COVID attire), it’s her choice. And if you think it doesn’t suit her figure, or the colour doesn’t go with her pallor, keep it to yourself unless she asks for your opinion.
Dear Lisi: My seven-year-old son has a friend whose mom is never around. She travels constantly and posts incessantly on social media. We’re new to the school, and my son and this boy hit it off right away. They both have a strong love of dinosaurs.
I tried to make a playdate on the second day of school, but his nanny picked him up and disappeared before I could talk to her. I asked the teacher to help me get in touch but she said it would be nearly impossible.
Fortunately, the boy apparently begged his father to call me and we made a playdate for the following week. I picked the two boys up from school, brought them home to my house, gave them snack, and let them play in the basement. It was closing in on dinner time and I hadn’t heard from the dad, so I reached out. I was shocked when he told me he forgot his son was out, and could I keep him for dinner and then drive him home, as he was still downtown.
The child is sweet and lovely, so it was my pleasure to feed him dinner. We had a nice chat on the drive home and then he fell asleep. I woke him up when we got to his house, and his nanny answered the door. She was loving with him and thanked me.
I can’t help but wonder how this boy is being raised by a non-existent mother, and a father who forgets about him and works late.
Concerned
There is nothing you can or should do. This boy is being raised by his parents as they see fit. If he’s not suffering from actual neglect, or abuse, or anything untoward, then you need to mind your own business.
You said yourself that he’s sweet, kind, a good friend to your son, a pleasure to have in your home, etc. So clearly, he’s being taught right from wrong, manners, and knows kindness.
Invite him over often, but don’t overstep.
Dear Lisi: My friend just told me she puts period blood on her face. I honestly don’t know what to say.
Thoughts?
Red mask
My initial reaction is yuck! And after a little internet research, it seems dermatologists and gynecologists both agree that this isn’t a trend to follow.
FEEDBACK Regarding the woman uninterested in moving her family to the country (Sept. 5):
Reader – “This woman reminds me of us, over 40 years ago, when we had an opportunity to move to a small acreage in the country. We had three children in elementary school and neither of us had ever lived in the country. It was my desire. My wife went along reluctantly.
“Over the years our children thrived, and did well in school. We worked on our house and over time naturalized the property by planting native trees and plants. When we retired, we managed a nursery that sold native plants to an appreciative clientele.
“With age it became difficult to manage such a large property so we moved into a condo in a nearby city - we had never lived in a city in our 50+ years of marriage - we were both heartbroken and disconsolate at having to leave the paradise we had created.
“I wonder if the woman and her children wouldn’t learn to love rural life.”
The country mouse
Ellie Tesher and Lisi Tesher are advice columnists for the Star and based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions via email: [email protected] or [email protected]
