Dear Lisi: My wife is a miserable sourpuss. Her face is always in a resting state of anger. I can’t even look at her anymore. And every time I try to talk to her about the state of our relationship, she cries and yells, “Fine! Just leave me!”
I’m not sure if she’s mentally unstable or trying in her own way to push me away. I do know that I am becoming miserable, and I don’t want to be. I have a job that I enjoy, I make a very decent living, I have great friends, and hobbies and interests that keep me busy morning to night.
How can I either help my wife get back to her happy self so we can have a good relationship, or get the heck away from her and her misery?
Done
Do any of your hobbies and interests align with those of your wife’s? If so, I suggest you make time to do one of those things together. Spend some quality time together doing something you both enjoy. Afterwards, when you’re both in good spirits, start a conversation.
Backing up, if the answer to my first question was no, then perhaps all the time you spend partaking in your hobbies and interests without her, isn’t helping the situation. Find something that you two can do together that you both enjoy. And again, when you’re both in good spirits, start a conversation.
This isn’t going to be resolved overnight, but the best relationships need a strong base of friendship, respect, understanding, love and romance. Work on those.
Dear Lisi: I’m a divorced man in his mid 60s who just met a woman of the same age group at a work seminar. We both have jobs that we are secure in and neither of us have kids. We’ve both dated since our divorces became final and have been dating each other for about six months now.
I told her that I was very affectionate at the start of our dating relationship. After our fourth date, she started dropping subtle hints that she was ready for more than a casual relationship. She shocked me one night by playfully touching my private parts and I responded by tickling her, hoping it would lead to some serious kissing and her wanting to accept my offer to spend the night since the weather was rather nasty outside.
Other than a good night hug and a surprise peck on the cheek, last month, our physical contact of any kind has been minimal to non-existent. I’m totally miffed as to why a woman of her age is so afraid of any type of physical contact. I asked her, and she says that she’s never been sexually assaulted.
I really like this woman but I’m considering breaking up with her if she won’t even consider a simple goodnight kiss at the end of each date. I think I’ve been more than patient with her and haven’t tried to push her into anything.
Your thoughts on how I should proceed with our relationship?
Tired of waiting
Though I understand your desire for physical intimacy, I didn’t hear you mention any real communication happening between you two. You stated that you’re affectionate; she touched you. Those are dipping toes in the water.
Take her out on a date. Talk. About everything and nothing. Start to tell her how you feel about her, not just what kind of person you are, i.e. affectionate. Ask her how she feels about you, where she sees your relationship going. Ask her how she feels about intimacy, PDA, and kissing.
After six months, you are right that your relationship could go to the next level. But if she’s not there, she may not be the one for you.
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist based in Toronto. Send your questions to [email protected]
