Dear Lisi: My son has started an online business that is very successful. It’s an above-board idea that he came up with from watching a TV show. I didn’t think it would fly, but he seems to be making some good money. He’s young and so I’d like to help him invest it and not blow it on useless things that his young teenage brain thinks are awesome. But he’s refusing.
How do I convince him to invest and save for his future when he can’t see past the weekend?
Frustrated Dad
Congrats to your son for starting a successful business at such a young age. That will serve him well in life. Is there a family friend, uncle, parent of a friend whom your son admires and respects? If so, perhaps they could talk to your son about finances. Teenagers think they know everything and that their parents know nothing. But for some reason, they tend to listen to other people’s parents. It’s part of the push and pull of adolescence, the “I hate you, but I need you” stage.
I hope someone else can convince him to start saving. But if not, and he spends it all on V-bucks, that’s his unfortunate loss. Life lesson learned.
Dear Lisi: My sister is a thief. She steals little things, nothing that anyone would miss, and nothing that costs very much money. I don’t think she’s ever stolen anything worth more than $20. But still. Sometimes she doesn’t even realize she’s doing it. And she’s very good at it.
I’ve watched her at the drugstore near our house. She just puts things in the bag while going through the checkout. The salespeople don’t notice, the checkout people don’t notice, even the security guard doesn’t notice.
It’s as though she sprinkles magic fairy dust on people when she’s around and they just smile at her. It’s an awesome talent, but I’m worried that she’s going to get cocky, move on to bigger things, and eventually, one day she’ll get caught. Thieves always do.
How can I help her stop this strange habit that will one day come crashing down on her?
Stealing Sister
I remember when I was little hearing stories of my great-uncle who used to steal. His parents made him take whatever he stole back to the store, apologize and do a few hours of labour for his penance. I’m not getting a good sense of how old your sister is (or you for that matter) so it’s hard to respond since the “punishment” for stealing is very age dependent.
For example, if your sister is eight, then she needs to return what she stole, say she’s sorry, and do it with a parent by her side. If she’s between the age of 12 and 17, she could be arrested and charged as a juvenile. But if she’s 18 or older, she would be charged as an adult. The action depends on the store. Whether it’s a $0.69 lollipop, or a $40 perfume, it’s up to them. Stealing is stealing, no matter the amount.
FEEDBACK Regarding the mother who treats her daughter differently (Oct. 7):
Reader #1 — “You were correct that this mother needs to apologize to her son and daughter-in-law, but I think there is fairness in equality. They should have provided the son and his family an equal amount of money to do with as they please.
“We have been in similar circumstances and find that equality is the key to being fair to both, and openness in conversations with both children separately, to let them know that you are treating them fairly and equally. Money issues can cause rifts between all three parties if not handled well.”
Reader #2 — “We’ve been in similar situations. We don’t have kids and work hard to save our money. We’re careful so we can spend more on our house, cars and trips. We live a modest life and are very happy.
“We’ve been overlooked/forgotten when it comes to gifts, wills, inheritances etc. We’ve been told we don’t need the money.
“It’s upsetting. We’re blue-collar workers. We work very hard and are careful with our expenses. Others are not! We feel that all grandkids, nieces or whomever should be on an equal playing field. If my sister and her kids are each given $10,000 in a will, I should receive the same amount. It just creates hard feelings otherwise. Especially when they make more money than we do! It’s hurtful to be overlooked.
“This mother needs to give her son the exact amount of money she gave her daughter for the car. It’s the only way to be fair.”
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions to [email protected].
