Dear Lisi: When I was 20 years old, I got a tattoo on my butt cheek. The only time it was visible to the public was when I was in a skimpy-bottomed bikini. It was a donkey with my ex-boyfriend’s initials. I thought I was giving him the middle finger by calling him an ass. Stupid, I know.
So stupid that I lost two good guys once they realized what the tattoo symbolized. No one wants to date someone who’s vindictive. I’m ready to get rid of the tat, but not sure I want to suffer the pain, or have a scar.
I know what you’re going to say…. The joke’s on me. I’ve got this guy in my life, still, and will forever.
How do I move forward?
Tattooed and scarred
I know you won’t be offended when I say that your revenge tactic was immature and not well thought out. You said it yourself, the joke’s on you. But there are people who can remove tattoos (I don’t know how, or how well it works), you just have to research in your city.
I would get right on that, and eradicate this guy from your life, and all the negativity surrounding your long-ago relationship. You’ve grown and matured. I would also suggest talking to a therapist who can help you see that all of our life experiences make us who we are today, but they don’t have to define us.
Get the ass off your ass and look ahead to a positive future.
Dear Lisi: My best friend and her husband are constantly purchasing big-ticket items, bragging about them, but then complaining that they have no money. She wasn’t like this before she met him, and it’s just gotten worse since they got married.
We grew up together, in decent-sized semi-detached homes. All four of our parents worked, though my mom was only part-time. Our families each had one car, and we went on vacation once a year, almost every year. Her family was the same. We weren’t rich, but we weren’t poor. And none of us were materialistic or showy.
Our friendship spanned from toddlers (our moms met at a baby group), through childhood, high school and the teenage years, and we remained close through university. We both left home but kept in touch, and now we’re back in our home city. She returned with her now-husband in tow.
I work six days a week in my career of choice; she’s a stay-at-home wife. They don’t have kids or pets, so I have no idea what she does all day, other than post on her Stories and I guess, shop. She’s turned into a “Look at me!” person with nothing else to talk about.
I have no idea what her husband does, but he insists they go out for dinner at least four times a week; he drinks expensive cocktails and wine; he’s always gifting her; and as I mentioned, there’s often something big-ticket just around the corner.
They’ve been married 18 months and have just bought their second house, after moving from a condo.
What’s happened to my level-headed normal friend?
Fancy Pants
Her husband is what happened. I don’t know what he does for a living any more than you, but he seems to make a lot of money doing it. Why he feels the need to spend it all as soon as it comes into his hands, I also don’t know.
I bet if you learn more about his background, you’ll be able to understand his motives better. Talk to your friend; find out if she’s happy. Help her figure out how to have a sustainable marriage and find some balance. She’ll appreciate your support.
FEEDBACK Regarding the woman wishing to marry her girlfriend but not yet divorced from her husband (Sept. 21):
Reader – “To advise someone that it’s OK to lie to gain immigration to sa国际传媒 is illegal and immoral.
“This particular person who wrote to you did not deserve to have her story published in a daily newspaper.”
Lisi – Clearly something in this letter triggered you. I am a relationship advice columnist and this letter writer asked me for advice on her relationship. I specifically added in my response to her that I reserve judgement on marrying for visa purposes. I did not advise anyone to lie for any reason. That part of her story is not my business, nor am I going to get involved.
In my opinion, everyone has a right to be heard and deserves the help they request. I’m sorry if you don’t feel the same way.
Ellie Tesher and Lisi Tesher are advice columnists for the Star and based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions via email: [email protected] or [email protected]
