Dear Lisi: My boyfriend woke up one morning several months ago and couldn’t hear. We went to the hospital because he was feeling immense pressure, and we were scared. After a few days and intensive testing, the hearing in one of his ears returned 100 per cent. The other ear has suffered sudden sensorineural hearing loss (SSHL), and we don’t know if his hearing will ever return in that ear.
At first, he was mainly freaked out. He’s an otherwise healthy guy, and we’re young, only in our very early 30s. He was also very unbalanced in the beginning and kept tripping and falling. He got used to that about six weeks in, but two weeks later, he started “hearing” a ringing in his ears, which we now know is tinnitus.
My guy is miserable! He can’t sleep, can’t think, can’t function. How can I help him so that we can continue our happy, loving relationship?
Miserable Man
Oh boy! Unfortunately, currently, there is no known cure for tinnitus. Different people find relief in a multitude of ways. I have heard of people using hearing aids, trying to mask the noise with white noise, meditating, taking hot baths, deep breathing, and several other methods.
Also, unfortunately, stress and anxiety can worsen the tinnitus, and that’s exactly what’s causing your boyfriend’s stress and anxiety! So, he’s going to have to find ways to relax, de-stress and calm his mind.
Try to help your boyfriend by finding calm activities to do together, like watching a quiet movie at home, going for a walk in the woods or taking a bath together. Intimacy is also a well-known stress reliever. Give your boyfriend space to quiet his mind, but also offer help finding ways to explore that quiet.
Dear Lisi: My boyfriend is 21 and super tall. We’ve been dating since Grade 12, when he was just under six feet tall. I’m five-foot-seven, so, not short, but shorter than him. The summer after first year university, he went out West tree planting. He spent every waking minute outdoors, and when he returned home, he had grown four inches!
Our relationship became rocky for a few months because I felt like I was dating someone different. He felt different: the way he held my hand, gave me a hug, or when we tried to be intimate. It just didn’t work, and we broke up. I think he felt the awkwardness too, because it was an easy breakup.
We didn’t speak for several months, both doing our own thing, though we’d hear about each other from mutual friends. Fortunately, we are at different universities.
Then, this summer, we bumped into each other at our summer jobs, not knowing the other was working there. We started hanging out, talking, and became good friends again. After about two months, we became a couple again, figuring things out from a fresh perspective.
We have a great relationship now, but I’m afraid. What if he grows more? And, if we broke up because of a height issue, will he dump me if I gain weight?
Changes cause changes
Whoa, slow down! First, although some boys may continue to grow in their 20s, most male growth plates are closed by 21 years. So, it’s unlikely your boyfriend is going to grow any taller, though there are exceptions to every rule.
Secondly, four inches is a huge change and would affect how your bodies “fit” together intimately. That’s normal. But now that you’re both older, and physically and emotionally more mature, slight bodily changes should NOT affect your relationship. Think about it: Every woman who carries a child goes through enormous physical change and her partner (hopefully) adores her during this change.
Enjoy your relationship now for what it is.
FEEDBACK Regarding the new mom wondering how she’ll make it through her first year (Aug. 1):
Reader — You could also remind this mom that babies grow and change. The first weeks and even months are hard, but slowly the baby will poop less, will nurse less often and spit up less frequently. She is not looking at a year of frequent diaper blowouts or spit-up covered clothing, and within a couple of months she will be wondering what happened to her once-tiny newborn.
Lisi — Wow! Sounds like your baby sailed through the “gross” stage. Most babies I have encountered are still exuberant in their bodily functions for the first year.
Yes, they grow quickly, but that explosive poop can last well into the first year. I’m not trying to scare “Grossed-Out Mom,” but I don’t want her to think it’ll end any time soon and be frightened/disappointed/worried when it doesn’t.
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions to [email protected].
