Dear Lisi: I HATE New Year’s Eve and now I hate the week after too. I decided not to go out this year because I hate the pressure of feeling like you have to have the best night ever. My boyfriend and I broke up after eight months at the end of October. I’m fine with that situation, but we had made tentative plans, and I wasn’t up for being in the same place as him.
Some girlfriends of mine had a plan to go to a party and insisted I join them, even though I was dead set against going out. The night started out fun with some cocktails at one of their homes. Then we went to this party. At first, it seemed normal, people were drinking, dancing, laughing. But then people started acting very strange, some were throwing up, others were making out in groups or dancing wildly. I felt like I was watching a movie.
I needed to get out of there but realized none of my friends were around me. I found one girl asleep with her head on the toilet, and another making out with some guy I’ve never seen before. We searched everywhere for the other girl, couldn’t find her anywhere, but then found her in the pantry eating ice cream alone. It was a crazy night!
We went back to one girl’s house, and all slept. The next morning while we were discussing the night, we came to the realization that most people at the party had been microdosed — by choice or unknowingly — and were high as kites on mushrooms! No one had offered me because I was in the washroom when the guy was walking around. And I didn’t drink the Fun Guy Punch, which was spiked.
My friends are all embarrassed and freaked out.
So, what’s the point?
New Year’s, No thanks
Your New Year’s Eve does sound full of excitement — fun and otherwise. It’s not cool that they spiked the punch, especially with such a strong drug; in fact, it’s quite dangerous. You’re very fortunate that nothing worse happened to any of your friends other than throwing up, kissing a stranger and indulging in ice cream.
But your question —what’s the point —is much larger. Most humans enjoy the company of others. We mark the passage of time by using a calendar and celebrating holidays, religious and otherwise. New Year’s Eve is a non-denominational, cross-cultural, worldwide celebration to mark the end of one year and the beginning of another.
Your friends wanted to celebrate with other people and included you in their plans. Yes, what happened was unfortunate, but hopefully the girls will get past their unusual behaviour, be more aware and diligent next time they’re out, and hopefully bond you girls closer than before. Thankfully nothing horrible happened to anyone.
FEEDBACK Regarding the man child (Nov. 5):
Reader #1 — “The man described by this column is exhibiting classic symptoms of learned helplessness, a phenomenon that occurs as a result of intimate partner abuse (likely at the hands of his wife as he is asking her for permission to eat).
“That is my professional opinion as a criminologist.”
Reader #2 — “I believe the ‘man child’ could’ve had a silent stroke in the frontal part of his brain which may have damaged his decision-making capabilities. Or quite possibly that he is showing unfortunate signs of early onset dementia. He and his wife both need compassion and if possible, to see a doctor to rule out neurological causes.
“Stroke can happen at any age, and early onset dementia can start in 40-year-olds. If he has early onset dementia, his indecision, especially when he is out of his familiar surroundings, will become much worse.
“Been there.”
Reader #3 — “I think the writer would know if her husband was drunk or stoned. Sounds like he has no confidence in himself, and I would assume he has some neurological disorder.
“Or the Mrs. has been too assertive over the years and now he’s lost any confidence he has had.
“Should get him checked out.”
Reader #4 — “I enjoy your column and find it helpful. However, I thought you were making a lot of assumptions by starting off on the man child letter response to ask if he was drunk or high. Is it possible that this woman’s husband is neurodiverse and she’s not aware of it? It is possible that if he is neurodiverse when he’s one on one it’s much easier for him, but he may be dealing with social anxiety and other things when he’s out in public.”
Lisi — Good points.
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions to [email protected].
