Dear Lisi: My boyfriend is really good-looking. So much so that he literally turns heads when he walks in a room. I’m flattered that of all the beautiful women in the world, he saw beyond beauty (I’m not a super model) and chose to be with someone who he really connects with on many levels.
The problem is the daggers that come flying my way from every woman after they’ve checked him out. I feel like I have to don some serious body armour every time we leave the house. And in all honesty, it affects my confidence, and my confidence in our relationship.
Help!
Bit on the side
You are not the bit on the side, as you refer to yourself. You are the main course in the middle of his plate! He chose you because he loves you, and in his eyes, you are the most beautiful woman in the room.
Instead of shrinking under the weight of that body armour, gain strength through its strength, for you’re the one building it in the first place. Walk tall and proud beside your man. You chose him because you love what’s behind that gorgeous face.
Here’s another trick: before you head out somewhere where you think these feelings will arise, for example a party, get intimate with your man. Nothing brings two people closer than the act of making love. When you head out, you’ll notice you hold each other closer.
Dear Lisi: My daughter is 23 and has moved back home after graduating university. We’ve rearranged things in the home, but she has her own bedroom, and a washroom that no one else uses, though it’s not specifically hers. Her room is large and spacious with ample closet, drawer and shelf space.
It took her awhile to unpack and find room for everything she had accumulated during her four years away, but it’s all found a home. And she seems to be settling in nicely. I like coming home and finding her sprawled on the sofa watching TV.
What I don’t like is that she seems to shed wherever she goes. From the minute she walks in the house, her jacket is draped over a chair, her shoes are in the middle of the entrance way, her bag is in the hall, her socks are on the floor, her charger is on the table, etc., etc. All those items have a designated space, for example, there are hooks for her jacket, cubbies for her shoes, laundry baskets for her socks.
How can I get through to her that she needs to be more mindful of the other three people living in the house?
Messy Molly
As the saying goes, this too shall pass. But it will take effort and patience on your part. When you get home, for example, and find the trail of her existence, ask her to come greet you at the door. Give her a hug, tell her how happy you are that she’s home, then walk her through her disrobe. Ask her to hang her jacket, put her shoes away, and put her socks away.
I can almost promise you that she will roll her eyes, but she will comply. You may have to do this a few times (is 100 the same as a few?) but eventually, she will do it herself.
After she has settled in and started doing whatever she is planning for the summer, ask her if there is anything she needs, anything she is having issue with, anything she would like to change. Then talk it through with her. After all, she is still your child, but she is now an adult.
FEEDBACK Regarding the new groom feeling burdened by his new puppy (May 9):
Reader 1 — “Perhaps it was meant to be funny, but animals are sentient beings and should never be presented as a gift to anyone. All pets require time, care and expense. Pet ownership is a responsibility that too many people take lightly. Gifting someone an animal they have not planned for is a terrible idea. Currently, animal rescues and shelters are overwhelmed with unwanted pets. Some of these might have started as ‘gifts.’ Please do not worsen this heartbreaking situation.”
Reader 2 — “Love your ‘not-so-subtle’ suggestion for Doggy-trapped groom! Thanks for starting my morning with a big chuckle!”
Reader 3 — “One word ‘REGIFTING.’
“But this could also be a good test for their marriage. Birth control is not 100 per cent. What would have happened if it was a child?
“It’s also time to learn the value of ‘happy wife, happy life’.”
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions to [email protected]
