Brian Lohbrunner was having a tough time getting used to kindergarten at Doncaster Elementary, so he donned the cape of a superhero.
His mother, Gwen Lohbrunner, said four-year-old Brian was overwhelmed with anxieties and shedding many tears at the start of the school year. His friends all seemed to get sent to different classrooms and he was assigned a different teacher than his older brother, six-year-old Sean, had last year.
Since Brian likes to dress up, Lohbrunner and the new teacher figured a cape might help. So every day for the first month of school, he came in a Batman cape, or even wore an old blanket.
"It was kind of like his own security blanket," said Gwen. "He would go around all day as a superhero."
By this week, however, the boy had started to forget the cape at home. He's also begun to make a few new pals. The tears and complaints are levelling off.
"The school was great," said Lohbrunner. "They handled it all with great sensitivity."
These beginning-of-the-year adjustments are often the first big transition moments faced by children, says University of Victoria psychologist Frederick Grouzet, an associate professor with a special interest in transitions, goal foundation and self-identity.
Gouzet said when children move from preschool to kindergarten and higher grades, they face a lot of changes. Dealing with new teachers, new classmates and separation from old friends can be tough.
But children often have more resilience and strength than parents realize.
"The important thing is to trust your child," he said.
"They will do it - they can make it. They are usually more capable of adjustments than us."
He said parents also need to understand they can't make these transitions for their children - all they can provide is understanding and support.
"It is not like, 'OK, we have to deal with this,' " Grouzet said. "It's more like, 'Yes, it's difficult. Yes, we know you aren't liking it, but what can we do to make this transition easier?' "
By asking lots of questions, parents can get their children to acknowledge there are interesting and even exciting things about the transition. Making new friends is exciting. New experiences are interesting. Learning new things is always good.
A parent can be extra-attentive, with questions meant to draw out some of these good things. What are your new friends like? What are some of the things you learned in school today?
What do you think of your new teacher?
"It's very important that the child feels that it's his own life, with his own transitions and that he can make his own progress," Gouzet said. "Otherwise, a child will not learn how to make those transitions and this is something that can be repeated year after year."
Brian Kowalko says his son Matthew, now 10 and in Grade 5, doesn't struggle so much with back-to-school anxieties these days, but it hasn't always been easy.
Kowalko remembers a time when his wife had to accompany Matthew, one of three sons, to school to let the teacher know when he was having a bad day.
At home, the couple would reassure Matthew that a new school year, like a new hockey season, brings some good things. "'Yes, change does bring with it some things you might not like,' " Brian remembers telling his son. " 'But it can also bring some really good things. You might make a new friend who will be a great new friend, or your teacher might be even better than last year.' "
All of it seems to have helped this fall's transition go a little more smoothly.
"This year, I really like my teacher," said Matthew, who attends Millstream Elementary. "He expects a lot, but I really like that."
Sherri Bell, deputy superintendent for the Victoria School District, said parents can take some comfort from the huge amount of work educators put into creating new classes.
Toward the end of every school year, Bell said, teachers sit down and create the classes for the following year. They examine each child's academic needs and character, take note of who their friends are and assess which teacher will best suit each group.
"They will create classes they think are going to work really well," Bell said.
She said parents are encouraged to let principals and teachers know in advance about their children's issues or needs. It's information schools are happy to have on hand.
"Parents are pretty good at saying, 'My child needs this kind of environment,' or 'She only has two friends and it would be nice to have one in the class,' " Bell said.
So when classes first come together in September, it's usually just a matter of a few weeks before the children settle in. "At the beginning of the year, we typically say to parents: 'Just give it a couple of weeks and it will work itself out,' " Bell said. "And it almost always does."
She said it's rare, but sometimes children are moved into another class. Reasons vary - in each case, a principal will make a decision based on the specific child.
John Bird, chairman of the Victoria Confederation of Parent Advisory Councils, said parents can discuss with a teacher and principal any difficulties their children are facing.
He also said parents have a right to appeal any school decision and parent advisory councils are there to help. Parents may want their child moved because of a bullying issue, or because they're missing friends or might be best separated from other classmates.
But, like Bell, Bird said a lot of effort goes into making up effective classes and matching kids with teachers.
He cited his own experience as a father whose two children went through Grade 7 in the same school.
Both ended up being matched with different teachers, both of whom had different teaching styles. And it all worked out.
"The school actually placed them based on their own criteria without my input, and I saw how they did it and I had to say, 'Yeah, that made sense,' " Bird said.
"In the inverse position, it wouldn't have worked so well."
