Verbal judo - a technique central to martial arts - can play a role in protecting children from bullies' verbal assaults, says a Saanich karate expert.
The kinds of "word blocks" used in karate can be used to deflect or deflate verbal attacks in the schoolyard, says Ken Marchtaler, a 55-year-old father with a decade of teaching under his fourth-degree black belt in Okinawa Shorin-Ryu Shorinkan Karate.
Word blocks can be funny, apologetic or even convey a polite threat, he says, and parents and kids can learn them by role-playing and practice.
For example: If a bully corners your kid with "you're stupid," a child can counter with, "Yeah, I know. I'm going to a stupid contest later on. Would you like to join me?"
It's called a funny work block. A response to taunts of being fat, ugly or different could be, "Yeah, I know, I'm working on it," suggests Marchtaler, who has shared his views with more than 500 school kids in the last year.
Confronted by an older, more threatening bully, a child could respond with an apologetic request: "I'm sorry you feel that way about me, but could you please not call me that anyway?"
This is assertiveness, a learned behaviour that will take a bully by surprise, says Marchtaler, who has served as president of the Canadian National Martial Arts Association. "They want you to feel hurt or angry. If they don't get a reaction, it deflates their intent."
In his experience, bullied kids often don't have the confidence to just walk away and ignore verbal aggression.
Bullying has always been part of our culture of winners and losers, but words meant to "disempower" other children have largely replaced bullies' physical violence, he says. "I think the verbal part has escalated - the bullies still need to vent somehow." A lot of them have been bullied themselves, by a parent of sibling, he adds. In his methods: "The goal is not to win; it's not to lose."
The polite threat is one of the most important anti-bully techniques and requires home rehearsal and role playing to put the "warrior spirit" in the hearts of kids, he says. The child can take turns playing bully, victim, parent or teacher in various scenarios.
They can practise saying: "I can see you have something against me. I've talked to my parents and they've agreed I should be going to the principal. But I don't want to go to the principal because you will get into trouble, so could you please stop spreading this rumour and can we just be friends?"
Anyone not being mean to a child is often viewed as a friend, he says. "The thing is, you've given someone a second chance. If they don't want to take it, go to the principal."
Even bullies deserve a second chance, he argues. In fact, it's one of the five "universal truths" of human communication, according to the verbal judo approach. The other four include the desire to be treated with respect, to be asked rather than told to do something, to be informed of the reason for something and to be offered options rather than threats.
Marchtaler, who will travel to Tokyo to share his techniques at the Nov. 17 meeting of TAFISA - The Association For International Sport for All, an organization sanctioned by the International Olympic Committee - has spoken several times to classes at St. Andrews Elementary.
Principal Keefer Pollard is a fan of his approach.
"We love the work that he'd doing with our school," says Pollard, who appreciates how Marchtaler helps give students a sense of physical confidence.
That doesn't mean physical action, but the ability to "meet the bully's gaze." Bullies prefer that their victims look down or away, and when their gaze is met, a sense of equality can prevail that suggests the prospective victim is not willing to take abuse, Pollard says.
The WITS program - walk away, ignore, talk it out or seek help - is one tool for kids and verbal judo is another, Pollard says.
Marchtaler employs an ABC system to capitalize on kids' ability to defend themselves - A for body awareness and intuition that something is amiss, B to shore up their boundaries by replacing passivity or aggression with assertiveness and C for physical contact - the right to defend themselves if they're pushed.
In talking to school classes, he finds few students will raise their hands if asked whether they'd tell their parents about ugly rumours spread about them. Typically, they're afraid their parents wouldn't understand or would overreact.
"When it comes to kids, they want to solve the problem. Empower this kid to solve their own problems," says Marchtaler. [email protected]
From calling kids names to shunning, punching and intimidating them in the schoolyard and cyberspace, young bullies are deliberate and determined in perpetrating cruelties on their victims. But according to Education.com, children who are upfront about being bullies share many personality, social and home-life factors that are less than positive.
They are impulsive, hot-headed, dominant and, if they're boys, physically stronger than their peers.
Easily frustrated, they lack empathy, have difficulty following rules and view violence in a positive way, the website says.
Their parents tend to be less involved and affectionate, more permissive about behaviour and more likely to use harsh physical discipline. Some of their friends may be bullies and encourage their behaviour.
But bullies are not socially isolated - in fact, they report making friends more readily that non-bullies. And far from cringing at their destructive behaviour, they have average or even above-average self-esteem, the website says.
There's no getting away from the downside bullying has on their own lives, never mind those of their victims. Bullies are more likely to get into fights and be injured in those fights, vandalize or steal property, smoke, drink alcohol and skip school, the website reports.
While there are hundreds of scientific articles written on the topic of bullying, Arizona State University came up with two interventions most likely to reduce school bullying, in research published last month. Researchers there studied 1,221 students in grades K-12 who were sent to the principal's office for bullying. Of the seven interventions tested with those students, only parent-teacher conferences and a loss of privileges proved "significant in reducing the rate of the reoccurrence of bullying and aggressive behaviours," the study found.
Other factors that can be correlated with bullying by kids, according to recent research, mostly from 2011 and 2012:
鈥� Just two or three negative perceptions about school. A study of 40 countries published in Adolescent Well-Being and Health in 2010 found such kids "experience twice the relative odds of being involved in bullying" compared with children without negative school perceptions.
鈥� Little belief in a just world. A study involving more than 400 German and Indian high school students found that the stronger their belief in a just world, and their belief that their teachers' behaviour toward them was just, the less bullying behaviour they reported to researchers at Martin Luther University of Halle-Wittenberg, Germany.
鈥� Lots of highs and lows in socio-economic status in a single school. That resulted in more bullying than in schools with either high or low socioeconomic status, according to 990 school principals in 15 countries studied by the University of Maryland.
鈥� Parental anger and maternal mental-health problems. Those made kids ages 10 to 17 more likely to become bullies, the University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center found.
鈥� High levels of irritability, but no other health concerns. Irritability was correlated with bullying among 1,315 students from grades 5, 7 and 9 from three schools in Western Turkey, according to research from the University of Pavia in Italy.
鈥� Being less likely to observe social rules and politeness than children who were not involved in bullying, according to data from 623 children in fifth and sixth grades from four Egyptian elementary schools, in a study by Alexandria University in Egypt. Researchers found that was true of both bullies and their victims.
鈥� Being bullied by brothers and sisters inside the home. That acted as a "training ground," according to the University of Warwick in the U.K.
鈥� Nighttime use of cell-phones, irregular bedtimes and use of email or cell-phones after lights out. All were implicated in bullying, according to data analysis from nearly 20,000 Japanese students in 73 public junior and senior high schools, in a University of Tokyo study.
