Around this time of year, thousands of kids are entering a school classroom for their first time, switching to a new school or even just moving up a grade. Consider the worries and anxieties that creates in youngsters. That’s why parents of young schoolchildren need to recognize that this is a very important time. It’s a time of year when you need to ramp up your parenting skills and do everything you can to be in a caring and boosting frame of mind.
As my daughter often says, parenting isn’t for the weak. The start of school is one of the many times in your child’s life that will be consistently trying. There will be many more times when parental encouragement for your children is hugely important, too.
The topic triggers my memory of my first day in junior high school: I arrived at the school entrance, and Oh No! Everyone was wearing some combination of a matchy-matchy skirt and frilly blouse, and I was in long pants because my mother had insisted. She said that the girls my age wear their skirts way too short, and I wasn’t allowed to show my bare legs above my knees in school.
Not a great start for entering a new year.
In the classroom after we assembled, a number of those short-skirted girls poked each other, looked pointedly at me, then giggled. The grade seven teacher said we all had to settle down. She welcomed us to “the start of a great new day and an even greater year.” But I was already feeling like a loser.
Later that same day, a new girl who’d joined our class, said “hello” and told me her name. She said she’d previously gone to a private girls’ school where students wore uniforms, and couldn’t just wear whatever they wanted. She added that it was a good idea that everyone there dressed the same because, mostly, there was little jealousy about anyone else’s clothes.
She made me feel better that day, because she’d opened a new viewpoint to ponder in my mind. I knew soon after that discussion that we were going to become close friends.
When I returned home, my mother said she was pleased that I looked happy. I told her that I’d made a new friend at school that day, and that I thought Mom would like her too. Suddenly, my first day in junior high was feeling far more positive.
Over that first week, I learned that junior high was very different from the classes we experienced in previous grades, like a bridge between everything we’d already learned from grades one through six. Then came more complex arithmetic, more varied instruments in music class, more science experiments, and then only using cursive writing.
Things also improved at home when, the next week, my mother asked me what I wanted to wear. I hugged her and chose my nicer pants with a pretty print.
Those years became a stellar time for me. I made more new friends, joined the music class and sang my heart out. I was even given a part in a play. My parents were in the audience.
Over the many years of education and personal growth through high school and then university, I’ve never forgotten the important boosts of self-confidence I gained from that first back-to-school day, and meeting my first friend who became a “bestie” from day one.
We’re still friends and still stay in touch whenever possible. We’ve both shared with our own children the stories that helped us navigate through high school, then higher education. We both still value and discuss those early memories of our having connected so easily, and of helping each other through periods of self-doubt.
It was during that significant time when the group that included my new friend showed that they, too, appreciated the value of reaching out to more like-minded students.
It seemed that suddenly, there was less gossip in the school hallways during that insecure time when all of us were just starting out. Many of us still reflect that the negative hallway chatter was largely overtaken by good, healthy fun and more trusted friendships.
That’s why parents especially need to know how their children are faring, and help boost their confidence, from their first day in school through to graduation.
Ellie Tesher is an advice columnist based in Toronto.
