When throat cancer reduced Jim Carfra's voice to a whisper, he found it again through technology, with a blog.
Those who knew him as a private man may have been surprised to hear him publicly recount the highs and lows of living with a cancer that would eventually take his life. But their reservations were soon put to rest. Even as he faced death, his blogs conveyed his well-known mix of humour, grace and candour.
"I think he blogged partly to spare my mom," said Neil Carfra, his son. "Surprisingly, I think he actually liked blogging. It was an outlet that took the pressure off."
Neil shouldn't have been that surprised, as his father was always known as a "techie," embracing new technology as it appeared.
"He had the first VCR on the block, the first computer - so this was just an extension."
Reaching out, communicating and touching people came easily for Jim Carfra, who earned his law degree in 1962. He was called to the bar in 1964 and started practising in Edmonton. The year before, he had married the love of his life, Pat, with whom he had two children, Neil and Jill. The young family moved to Victoria in 1970.
Carfra was a respected barrister, becoming a Queen's Counsel in 1984 and co-founding the firm Carfra & Lawton a year later. In recent years, he was a sessional lecturer at the University of Victoria's law faculty.
Although law is an adversarial profession, even his rivals acknowledged he treated them and their clients fairly.
"Jim was an insurance-defence lawyer - the premier defence lawyer on Vancouver Island," said John Waddell, a colleague, friend and sometime adversary of 32 years. "That form of law can be quite dry and impersonal. But Jim will be remembered because he always bestowed plaintiffs with empathy and dignity. He created a human face to the proceedings and, in my opinion, transcended the role of a defence lawyer."
His legacy will be felt in legal circles for years to come, as scores of young lawyers who worked with him continue to refine the lessons they learned under his tutelage.
His legacy is likely strongest in Neil, who now practises in the law firm his father co-founded.
"He was my dad, my mentor, boss, business partner and, in recent years, an employee," said Neil. "In every role, he was supportive. Having said that, I was just one of many people he was supportive of. The only difference was that he was my dad."
Law may have been his professional life, but away from the office, Carfra enjoyed entertaining. Family and friends - and friends of friends - were always welcome to show up for dinner or a swim at his Prospect Lake home. While he enjoyed living beside the lake, he would seldom go in because he found the water too cold.
"My daughter's fondest memories are the three times she ever saw her grandfather jump into the lake - and they moved there in 1974," Neil said.
Even though his dad avoided the water, he took great pleasure in seeing his four grandchildren, Michelle and Susy Carfra and Grace and Audrey Barrett, learn to swim in the lake.
Carfra was also an avid reader, traveller and a keen walker with the Volkssport organization.
He was diagnosed with throat cancer in 2010. As the disease took hold, Car-fra increasingly used technology to keep in touch and reassure the many people who cared about him. He turned to caringbridge.org, a site that allows people to connect with friends and family during a health crisis.
Users can leave words of hope and encouragement, or co-ordinate and organize care.
"There was no self-pity in his posts," recalls Waddell. "He used it as an opportunity to reassure the people who cared for him." [email protected]
James Stuart Carfra was born Oct. 24, 1940, in Winnipeg and died Sept. 17 in Victoria. The family suggests that those wishing to make a donation in his name consider contributing to Dying with Dignity, dyingwithdignity.ca.
Island Lives is an occasional series celebrating the lives of Island people who have died recently. The series focuses not on the famous, but on our neighbours who have led interesting lives or made a difference in their communities. If you know of someone whose life should be celebrated, let us know by email at [email protected] or by mail at 2621 Douglas St., Victoria, sa国际传媒, V8T 4M2.
