First question for election candidates: Are you double-vaxxed?
Second question: If not, is that because A) you have a medical condition that precludes it, or B) you think 9/11 was an inside job?
Not that I鈥檓 against 颅electing, er, alternative thinkers, of course. sa国际传媒鈥檚 longest-serving prime minister, William Lyon Mackenzie King, guided sa国际传媒 through the Second World War with few knowing that he 颅regularly communicated with his dead mother and long-buried dogs. Amor de Cosmos, sa国际传媒鈥檚 second premier and the founder of this newspaper, was 颅reportedly so afraid of electricity that he wouldn鈥檛 have it in his home and balked at riding streetcars.
It鈥檚 just that if politicians do harbour certain beliefs, it would be good to hear about them before the ballots get marked. It would be nice not only to know what makes candidates tick, but to be assured it鈥檚 not a timing device that鈥檚 going to go off post-election.
And no matter who鈥檚 running, it would be valuable to hear not just what they have to say about climate change, or COVID, or the cost of living, but to get a sense of them as people.
With that in mind, here are 10 questions to ask the candidates on your doorstep.
鈥� Would you push for vaccine passports?
For travel? In the workplace? At school? Movies and restaurants? Christmas dinner?
鈥� If you own a house, when did you buy it and how much did you pay?
That鈥檒l rattle their doors.
鈥� What鈥檚 the last book you read?
If they say Mein Kampf, shut the door. Ditto if they just give you a blank stare. I have a friend who weeds out potential dates by asking, 鈥淒o you have a library card?鈥� No card, no date. Wise woman.
鈥� What was your last meal?
If they say, 鈥淚鈥檓 on a plant-based diet,鈥� reply, 鈥淢e, too! A meat-processing plant!鈥� This leads to the next question鈥�.
鈥� Do you have a sense of humour?
Trick question. Everybody thinks they have a sense of humour. They will say, 鈥淚t鈥檚 not that I don鈥檛 have a sense of humour, but鈥�.鈥�
鈥� Do you like dogs?
More importantly, do dogs like the candidate? And does the candidate consult them after the dogs are dead?
鈥� What music do you listen to?
You can tell a lot about 颅somebody from their music. I don鈥檛 care if a candidate 颅combines the best qualities of Angela Merkel, Winston Churchill and Mohandas K. Gandhi, I will not vote for anyone who tunes in to an easy-listening station. In England, a man was sentenced to 140 hours of community service after smacking a friend over the head with a guitar because the smackee kept playing the wrong chord in Peaceful Easy Feeling. I will whack you with a guitar for playing the right chord in 颅Peaceful Easy Feeling.
Conversely, I was filled with an actual peaceful easy feeling after learning that Dr. Bonnie likes AC/DC.
鈥� How tall are you?
This shouldn鈥檛 matter, but stats show it does. Apparently we like to look up to our leaders, literally. Studies show the taller U.S. presidential candidate 颅usually wins, with five-foot-11 and a half Joe Biden 鈥� the first sub-six-footer since Jimmy Carter in 1976 鈥� being the rare exception.
In sa国际传媒, every elected prime minister since Pierre Trudeau, who at five-foot-nine stood as tall as the average Canadian man of his time, has been six feet or more. Justin Trudeau is six-two.
As for female prime ministers, there鈥檚 no word on the average height of Kim Campbell. That鈥檚 a whole other conversation.
鈥� Do you have a snappy slogan?
Ethically challenged Louisiana politician Edwin Edwards, whose 16 years in the governor鈥檚 office were followed by eight in prison, died last month. In 1991, when he ran against Ku Klux Klan leader David Duke, the bumper stickers read 鈥淰ote for the crook鈥� and 鈥淏etter the lizard than the wizard.鈥� He won, 颅proving that truth in advertising is a good thing.
With that in mind, consider the following vote-getters:
Liberals 鈥� 鈥淣ever mind the scandals, our guy鈥檚 hotter than the August long weekend鈥�
Conservatives 鈥� 鈥淪peaking of pale, male and stale, vote for the leader with the Jack Knox haircut鈥�
NDP 鈥� 鈥淲e鈥檙e outraged by snap elections, except in sa国际传媒, where they鈥檙e a great idea鈥�
Greens 鈥� 鈥淲e don鈥檛 trust our leader, so why should you?鈥�
鈥� Will you give me an honest answer when I ask for one?
Help us shape our election聽coverage
But seriously, what would you like to know about candidates?
Email [email protected] and let us know what鈥檚 on your mind this election. What information will help you cast an informed vote? What do you want candidates to be discussing? What would you like us to ask candidates?
Please put 鈥渆lection coverage鈥� in the subject line and let us know which municipality or riding you live in.
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