When a Victoria woman whose former partner was found guilty of sexually assaulting her saw someone who looked like him recently, her heart started racing.
She said she’s had the same reaction ever since the assault any time she sees someone with a similar body type.
It didn’t matter that the day before, she had watched as he was placed in handcuffs and taken into custody to serve a two-year sentence for sexually assaulting her.
It’s a reminder that the trauma that comes with sexual assault doesn’t end when the assault does, she said.
Brendyn Fehr was sentenced in sa国际传媒 Supreme Court to two years for sexually assaulting the woman, and must register as a sex offender for 20 years.
The woman wanted Fehr’s name to be publicly reported, so she declined a publication ban on information that could potentially identify her as a victim of sexual assault. While those familiar with the former couple will be able to identify her because of their relationship, the sa国际传媒 is not naming the woman at her request.
“I want to be able to say publicly in any capacity, if I want to, this is his name, and this is what happened,” she said.
The woman was in a relationship with Fehr for three years from February 2019 to February 2022 and they lived together for much of that time, Madam Justice Amy Francis said at Fehr’s sentencing hearing.
A few months after they broke up, the woman invited Fehr over to have sex. He arrived in the early morning and they went to sleep. When they woke up, they began to engage in consensual sex, but at a certain point, the woman decided she didn’t want to continue. She said no, shook her head and became still, Francis said.
Fehr pinned her down with his body, put his hand around her throat and continued until he was satisfied, she said.
“There is no question that Mr. Fehr knew, or should have known, that [the woman] did not consent to the sexual activity in question,” Francis said.
The assault took place in the woman’s home, where she was entitled to feel safe, said Crown prosecutor Patrick Weir. Fehr was on top of her and had her arms pinned above her head, he said.
“She could not have been more vulnerable,” Weir said.
The woman read a victim impact statement to the court, saying she has experienced an “unknown kind of fear” as a result of the assault.
“I was afraid of someone I thought I knew well,” she said, and she found herself questioning if she truly knew any of the people in her life.
Watching Fehr taken into custody immediately after his sentencing brought relief after a painful two-year process through the justice system, the woman said in an interview.
“I just energetically feel so much lighter, like I’m not carrying it anymore,” she said. “And the first thing I kind of felt when it all sort of finalized is that it was so worth it to see it right through to the end.” There were moments throughout the process of reporting to police and testifying in the trial when she wondered if there was a point in forcing herself to relive the assault, she said.
She understands why many survivors choose not to report to police and navigate the justice system, calling it one of the hardest things she’s ever done.
Ultimately, she decided to report to police several months after the assault to hold Fehr accountable and to protect anyone else who might come after her.
“If I didn’t file a report, then how would I know if it would ever stop?” she said.
She hopes Fehr’s sentence will give him time to reflect on his behaviour and learn how to treat people.
Sexual assaults perpetrated by someone known to a survivor — friends, current or former partners, acquaintances and family members — are vastly more common than sexual assaults committed by a stranger, said Samantha Loppie, executive director of the Victoria Sexual Assault Centre. That’s reflected in police reports and who the centre serves.
The emotional impacts of any sexual assault are incredibly challenging, but it becomes more complex when the person is close to you, she said.
A survivor may see their perpetrator in their community and there can be greater fear of not being believed when the survivor and perpetrator share friends or family.
“So it can break down some of those relationships and that’s really challenging, because those are often the places that survivors go for support after a sexualized assault, no matter who it’s from, so that can lead to more and more to those feelings of isolation,” Loppie said.
Given that most sexual assaults are perpetrated by someone who knows the survivor, it’s essential to teach young people, particularly boys and men, that consent is given every time and actively throughout sexual encounters, and that it can be revoked, she said.
Loppie said it is rare and encouraging to see a judge rule that consent can be taken away in the middle of an encounter.
“To hear the judge say that consent, midway through, is something that can be taken away, is really important to reinforce, because that’s not the narrative that people still to this day think about,” she said.
