I receive many requests from people asking for contact information for Indigenous Elders and Knowledge Keepers from organizations and businesses looking to connect. At face value it sounds good; my entire career is based on bringing Indigenous and non-Indigenous people together through understanding and building community.
Sometimes, I struggle with these requests because as much as I want to share contact info and help people build relationships, I know that it is way more complicated than just sharing a phone number. I worry about what happens later.
When I was working on my thesis for my master’s degree, it was explained to me when doing Indigenous research it is important to acknowledge the understanding that in Indigenous culture “relationships are forever.” It was explained to me that people participating in my research would be connected to me forever; they wouldn’t just be a participant or someone I was interviewing. They would be a co-researcher and their requests would have to be honoured regarding the research, and knowing if a personal request was made, I was committing to that as well.
If I couldn’t commit to that, I would have to acknowledge that Indigenous research wasn’t for me.
When a mentor shared this with me, I thought I understood what it meant, but in hindsight I’ve realized I didn’t. It’s been a few years now and the more I work with Indigenous people and Indigenous communities, the more I grow to understand how significant honouring the teaching really is.
When I was told “Relationships are forever,” I thought of this saying as a nice gesture or something kind to say. It’s been through my work with Indigenous communities and Indigenous people that I’ve really learned what it means, by people showing me that the relationship I have with them is forever.
In western culture, we have a lot of different business relationships and often a business relationship can be seen for the project or a specific period of time. Once that project is complete or the contract expires, the relationship shifts to more of an acquaintanceship.
If you see them you say “Hello” and have polite conversation, but it would be rude to ask for something, or share personal information or emotional issues.
I’ve seen this clash in the business world when a project has ended and an Indigenous person has reached out later for support, advice or assistance with something, and the request is not well received. That type of ask can come across to someone of a western culture as inappropriate or entitled.
The interesting thing about this is it’s just two cultural ways of communicating and doing business. If the tables were turned, that request wouldn’t be inappropriate; the request would be a reflection of the other party acknowledging that relationships are forever.
Not everyone will honour the teaching, nor do they have to. I don’t expect people to, and I don’t shame people if they don’t because this is a cultural way of doing business. There are many different cultures, and one way isn’t better or worse, just different.
The issue is that the people they want to connect with, the Elders and Knowledge Keepers, do honour the teaching. I honour the teaching, and if someone drops my name in an introduction, it implies they will carry themselves in the same way I do.
I don’t think it’s as simple as to tell someone “Relationships are forever” and expect them to understand the complexity and commitment that it means. If I share an Elder’s phone number and the two parties work together, somehow I feel that my sharing the number makes me a part of that relationship.
Indigenous communities and Indigenous people have shown me what the commitment to honour this teaching means. They do so by extending support, opportunities, friendship and compassion to me whether we are working on a project or not. At first, it felt as if people were being too nice or too kind, and I didn’t know what to make of it.
After a few years, I was able to realize exactly what it meant. The feeling of being accepted, wanted and valued is so powerful. To honour the teaching “Relationships are forever” is beautiful.
When I’m working with people, I honour that business partnership as a forever friendship. Knowing that I am going to honour this when entering a business relationship, I ensure that I am entering these relationships and business projects with people that I want to connect with and stay connected with.
If a Nation, Elder or Knowledge Keeper calls me, I answer and I help, because that’s what friends do.
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