Just 100 days before the Tokyo Olympics, Victoria rower Caileigh Filmer was in a dark place, unsure if she could even summon the will to pick up an oar.
鈥淚 was very certain that was my last row,鈥� she said of one particularly bleak period in April following a training session on Elk Lake.
鈥淚t had gotten to those words. That wasn鈥檛 the only time. There were so many times before it鈥檚 been like that.鈥�
Filmer, who has been diagnosed with clinical depression, wants to share her story to help others.
鈥淚鈥檓 not going to be the only one having struggles, so I think it鈥檚 important that everyone鈥檚 able to support each other,鈥� she said.
鈥淚t鈥檚 a little different for everyone and everyone鈥檚 journey is going to be different, but being open and having your story shared and heard, will make it easier for other people to reach out and share their stories. For those unwilling to share their stories, or even ask for help 鈥� this might aid those who otherwise wouldn鈥檛 ask for help.鈥�
Filmer said there is still a stigma attached to mental health disorders: 鈥淚t鈥檚 been seen as a weakness. Some people feel ashamed about being on antidepressants and medications or being in counselling. It鈥檚 like, 鈥榦h, there鈥檚 something鈥檚 wrong with you.鈥� But it鈥檚 the same as a physical injury.鈥�
The rower has chronicled her mental health journey on Instagram, in what she calls her Gratitude Journal, and the response has been overwhelming.
鈥淭he reaction to it is surreal,鈥� she said. 鈥淚t鈥檚 amazing to know I am helping other people.鈥�
That鈥檚 been the pleasing byproduct, but it鈥檚 not the reason she wrote it.
鈥淚 wrote it for myself to help myself through Tokyo and to remind myself of the tools I already had and all the things I had to be grateful for,鈥� said Filmer, who graduated from Mount Douglas Secondary and rows for the University of Victoria Vikes.
鈥淚n sharing it through Instagram I鈥檝e been able to help so many more people, and I鈥檓 happy about that.鈥�
Filmer and Hillary Janssens of Cloverdale won bronze for sa国际传媒 in the women鈥檚 pair event on Tuesday.
鈥淚 had my ways of reaching out to family and friends when I needed to,鈥� said Filmer.
鈥淎nd I had my Gratitude Journal to read through when I needed it. Everyone鈥檚 just been there for me. It was the journey Hillary and I had been on that inspired me from there. I was able to keep going.鈥�
