Dear Lisi: We’re a group of girls who love to get together and have a good time. We’re always on the lookout for something fun to do, and we’re all into it, so someone is always messaging the group with a potential plan. We love the food and music festivals in the summer, the outdoor concerts all around southern Ontario, and even the opportunities to venture further for wine tasting, etc.
We are all very close and love each other. And there isn’t anything we wouldn’t do for each other.
However, one of us can’t hold her liquor. She has one drink (or seven) and is tanked. She’s mostly funny, doesn’t give us any trouble and is always entertaining.
She gets so drunk that one of us is in charge of holding on to her belt loop to keep her from falling down. It’s a joke among us, who’s got the loop.
But jokes aside, we’re worried about her. This can’t be healthy. What do you think?
Falling down friend
I think it’s time for an intervention. If your friend is getting so drunk that she’s falling over, then she’s drinking too much.
But if, as you say, she becomes extremely inebriated after only one drink, then perhaps she has a chemical imbalance or something else health related. It would be a good idea for her to have a general checkup with her doctor.
I would gently go that route first.
Dear Lisi: My partner and I have been together nearly four years, living together almost since the beginning. We’ve had a few ups and downs, as this is his first serious relationship, and I wasn’t working when we first met. I also have two cats and he has two dogs. We took time introducing the animals, and it worked out fine. We’ve never had an issue with them getting along.
He didn’t have much experience with cats prior to meeting me. I love dogs so there’s no issue for me.
Here’s the rub: occasionally, he says he’s had enough with the cats and threatens our relationship in various ways, saying he’ll move out, or break up with me. He implies that it’s because of the cats. I make sure that no litter gets tracked around, we have an expensive robo-vacuum for hair, and multiple automatic air fresheners to keep our home smelling nice. Nothing is perfect but it certainly isn’t abnormal or out of hand.
His friends have told him to get over it, as have mine. I’m tired of these random outbursts of threats. He recently gave me three options: 1. Break up; 2. Live apart until the cats die (about seven years); or 3. We move to the suburbs and get a separate room for the cats, which he knows I’ll never do.
The manipulation must stop, though he claims he isn’t manipulating. He says he finds the cats scary, even though they stay well away from him, have never bitten or scratched anyone, and rarely meow. He says they bother him.
I’m so over this issue. What should I say to him? I haven’t responded yet.
Cat-trapped
I’m an animal lover and pet owner. When you met him, you already had the cats. If you love your cats and can’t imagine them living elsewhere or with anyone else, then you need to decide…. Is this guy worth it?
If you’re not feeling as though he is the ONE, then you have your answer. Team Cats.
But if there’s a chance he could be your forever partner, you two need to talk. Could he be using the cats as his excuse to get out? If so, he needs to come clean. But if he believes you’re the one, then he needs to make peace with the cats.
FEEDBACK Regarding the no-children-at-a-wedding issue (Aug. 2):
Reader – “I love your column and agree with 99 per cent of your advice but was compelled to finally comment regarding the mother of the bride and the no children wedding. When you closed with ‘I know what I would do…’ I sure hope you’re on the same page as me and really question what is wrong with the father of the bride and his childish position.
“And if it’s a small venue, and money and space are tight, then people should understand; and if they don’t that says more about them. It’s this woman’s wedding and she has every right to do it how she wants. I’m sick and tired of families bullying each other with demands and threats under the guise of togetherness and tradition.”
Lisi – If I were the bride’s father, I would be at that wedding no matter what.
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions to [email protected].
